The Secret To Ending The Miley Cyrus Madness

    • Posted by: Matt Howard

    It's obvious that everyone, including ourselves, is maniacally following former Disney star Miley Cyrus' transformation into a ghoulish symbol of everything vile about pop culture. Since her brash MTV VMAs performance, from Terry Richardson photo shoots to the corruption of construction equipment, we've been reminded every few days about the 20-year-old's adulterated evolution. And believe us, no matter how bothersome that gimmicky tongue becomes, we'll continue to blab and complain, as you will all continue to endlessly click on our cynical Facebook posts. In many ways, we want to see Miley twerk into her 30s. BUT we figured out how to end it all. We know the one final act that would permanently vilify Miley into the darkest depths of irrelevance...

    We need to let her show her boobs. She's literally begging to do it, just look at her recent shoot for the cover story of Rolling Stone:

    And how about those pasties at the iHeart Radio Music Festival?

    That's what everyone's waiting/looking for in every airbrushed pictorial and live appearance. Let her lose that hand-bra, and all of our worries will disappear. Think about previous females in pop culture who've received similar press ridicule for their outrageous antics. Lindsay Lohan showed her boobs in Playboy, and suddenly she's just your crazy, old alcoholic neighbor whose robe routinely flies open when she gets the paper in the morning. Lady Gaga denounced clothes ages ago, but that's okay because she's artistic, right? She could have spread her cheeks wide open at the VMAs, and people would have still only cared about Miley being "weird". Let Miley unleash her own little monsters today, and tomorrow skies will be blue as gossipy damage caused by this post-apocalyptic shit-storm of a real monster will be long forgotten.

    Photos: Rolling Stone, EW

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