Robin Thicke Is The Worst. Person. Ever.
    • MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2014

    • Posted by: K. Hess

    Robin Thicke seems to operate under the common Hollywood theory that no press is bad press. While this is indeed an inalienable truth, Robin Thicke has inspired me to tweak this theory into more appropriate terms: There is no bad press, only bad people.

    His most recent gross samaritan act happened last week in Cabo San Lucas. Thicke, and 30,000 other human beings, found themselves stranded in Cabo due to the devastating aftermath of Hurricane Odile. Unlike the 30,000 tourists, who are mere human beings, Robin Thicke used his celebrity, and then his cash, to GTFO faster than everyone else. Ew, Robin Thicke—OMG, Déjà vu!

    Let's investigate that awful feeling, shall we?...

    "Ew, Robin Thicke" Moment No. 1: Not Saying No Means Yes.

    Robin Thicke's song "Blurred Lines" came out about a year ago. The lyrics, as I'm sure you've heard by now, are creepy, nay, rapey. If that wasn't bad enough, the video is just rapey.

    "Ew, Robin Thicke" Moment No. 2: The Twerk Heard Round The World.

    Someone help that child dressed up like a Spice Girl, she's being assaulted by Beatle Juice!

    "Ew, Robin Thicke" Moment No. 3: Cheating On His Wife.

    According to the couples' rep, this mirror captured ass grab was "just another girl looking for some attention," which makes "Ew, Robin Thicke" Moment No. 4 extra-ew.

    "Ew, Robin Thicke" Moment No. 4: Cheating On His Wife. Again.

    Not Paula Patton, no blurred lines about that. This time Paula Patton was all 'Hey Robin, you can GTFO'

    "Ew, Robin Thicke" Moment No. 5: The Paula Publicity Stunt.

    After Paula told Robin to kindly fuck off, in private, Robin went and very publicly promoted his new album, called Paula, through which he begs for a second (technically third, but who's counting?) chance, specifically with the video for "Get Her Back", which does not star Paula, but might star their personal text messages.

    "Ew, Robin Thicke" Moment No. 6: It Wasn't Me

    Marvin Gaye's estate has threatened to sue over the likeness between Thicke's "Blurred Lines" and Gaye's "Got To Give It Up". To which Robin Thicke responded, in a formal deposition, oh that? I know I took all the credit, but actually I was on Vicoden, it was all Pharrell. To which Pharrell Responded:

    Which brings us back to...
    "Ew, Robin Thicke" Moment No. 7: Will Bribe For Special Treatment

    According to the tabloids, one of Thicke's party approached a group of tourists much further ahead in line to say—not ask—that Robin would approach them with hugs and kisses if they would pretend to be family and help the singer jump the line. When that request was met with the appropriate level of disgust, the woman then offered the group cash for their compliance. Again, the human beings retained their dignity and the appropriate levels of disgust, which prompted Robin himself to make an appearance and reiterate the offer. The singer allegedly worked his way down the line until the price was right for someone. Gross, dude.

    Fictional king of the douche bags said it best, Robin Thicke...

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