THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2012 |
Posted by: Joe Puglisi
This week, the Internet unleashed its wrath on singer/songwriter Amanda Palmer, after she prompted her fans to volunteer to be the backing band on her current tour, for no compensation. Many claim this is insulting to professional musicians. Others -- not surprisingly those who are the same people trying to tell us that if music was just 'better,' people would stop pirating it -- have pretended to think of it as a "new business model." If that's the case, then we've got some more savvy crowdsourcing tips for Mrs. Sandman! All she needs to do is attach the word "amateur" to these job descriptions, and she can get them all for free!
Amanda Palmer can also ask her fans to:
1. Write Her Songs
You think just PLAYING on stage at an Amanda Palmer concert is cool? How about writing a whole song that she will then write and record herself! You'll totally get, like, three hugs out of the deal and you can brag to your friends that you penned a real, commercially viable Amanda Palmer song that made her money. For hugs.
2. Brush Her Teeth
It's BYOB (bring your own brush), because the budget doesn't allow for toothbrushes, toothpaste, or human dignity. But you totally get to touch her face!
3. Follow Her Around With A Water Bottle At All Times.
The only thing better than doing real tangible work for Amanda Palmer for no compensation is being her water-slave. Duties also include switching the water for vodka after 7PM, now you're her drinking buddy too! High-five!
4. Ghost-Write Her Autobiography
Holy smokes, can you possibly fathom the infinite joy of being the person who secretly does all the work in compiling notes and hours of mindless babble to pen the world's greatest self-told tale? It will only take 800 hours of work and you might get five, six hugs for this one!
5. Wear Her Clothes Before She Puts Them On So They Stay Warm and Wrinkle-Free.
There is nothing better than a prewarmed set of garments, amirite? Now YOU can sample all of her stage costumes as you wear them so they don't wrinkle, and stay nice and fresh-out-the-dryer warm for Amanda to wear during the show. This is a one hug job.