• THURSDAY, AUGUST 24, 2017

    • Posted by: Kirsten Spruch

    Back in May, we released a special edition of WTF Weekly where we focused on all of the things that Katy Perry did that week -- one could understand how it'd be easy, considering all the crazy shit she did leading up to the release of her album, Witness. Now, it only seems fair to do the same thing for her public rival, Taylor Swift, who is gearing up for a new album with an equally as annoying press campaign of her own.

    After mysteriously blacking out all of her social media, fans started freaking out. I, personally, was relieved. T Swift then returned (sigh) with some posts announcing her new album, Reputation, which is set to drop on November 10. She also announced the first single which is set to drop tonight. This is her first album since 2014's 1989.

    A post shared by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

    A post shared by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

    Before those posts, she uploaded videos of a snake. I didn't find the snake to be particularly scary, but I was a bit offended by how poor the animation was:

    A post shared by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

    And last but not least, the album cover, which features fake headlines superimposed over Swift's pissed off face:

    A post shared by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

    Between the greasy hair, the choker, and the gothic font, this looks like something that was trendy maybe a few months ago. AKA #outdated. This looks like what someone trying to be "bad" thinks being "bad" looks like… We all know Swifty quite well by now--this is disingenuous and we can smell the phoniness from acres away. I mean, of course she is going to make this album all about herself and how she feels misinterpreted in the media--that's all she knows how to do! (Plus, didn't she already cover the topic of her reputation 3 years ago with "Shake It Off" and "Blank Space"?) Double plus, doesn't that sound similar to another very famous person we know? (Okay, going as far as to compare Taylor to Trump is a bit dramatic, but hey, I see the similarities sometimes). With all that's going on in the world today, her enemy Katy Perry at least tried to stand up for her political beliefs with her constant support of Hillary Clinton and her single "Chained To The Rhythm." And speaking of our beloved KatyCat, God bless that insane lady's soul for releasing the worst video ever on the same day that Taylor is releasing her new single. Can we take a quick detour and talk about this video?

    The new Katy video is for "Swish Swish" ft. Nicki Minaj and, I know I literally just used Katy as a way to prove how bad Taylor is, but this video is really, really awful. She enlisted a ton of celebs like Molly Shannon, Terry Crews, Stranger Things' Gaten Matarazzo, and more, and all I could think the entire time is "how on earth did she convince these somewhat normal people to participate in such a shit show?" And then I proceeded to answer my own question: money, of course. She must've offered each and every single person a #BIGFATPAYCHECK because I know Dustin would much rather spend his time getting eaten alive in the Upside Down than slinging around basketballs with Katy Perry. The video is clearly expensive -- it's 6 minutes and 24 seconds of cringeworthy b-ball moves, sound effects, and green screen tricks. On the bright side though, it makes you forget about just how bad the song is, because it seems to be used more as background music than anything else.

    Now back to our speculation of Reputation... The small rip in TayTay's sweater on the album cover leads me to believe that this is going to be a rap album. Will Migos be featured on a single? Or just Quavo because he's the better one? Or will this be a metal album? I don't know -- but what I do know is that Taylor has evolved a lot over the years, and this is definitely not going to be another country album with "Teardrops On My Guitar" as the lead single. Just take a look at how much she has changed.

    Taylor Swift (2006)

    taylor swift self titled

    Fearless (2008)

    taylor swift fearless

    Speak Now (2010)

    taylor swift speak now

    Red (2012)

    taylor swift red

    1989 (2014)

    taylor swift 1989

    So if each album gets a little darker, does that mean the next record is going to be a collab album with like, Arca or Death Grips? Oh my god… Taylor and Death Grips. PICTURE IT. Someone hold me back.

    We see Taylor trying to be more edgy but let's face it -- she can't handle the edge. Let's not forget that time she bleached her hair and everyone freaked out because it just did not go with her acoustic guitar playing, horseback riding, rich prep personality at all.

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