You have to be some brand of jerk to enjoy hating on Taylor Swift. She wrote and crooned her way from small-town obscurity, she ostensibly wears her heart on her sleeve, and she has such pretty hair!
But for the sake of honesty, I'll be up front: I just don't dig her Splenda-sweetened brand of pop-country, and find her "fairy tales for the Cosmogirl" lyrics inane. So when I discovered that her latest single was titled, "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," I was immediately concerned that Tay had swayed even further from the Middle Path of subtlety and emotional nuance.
My concern was justified. An embarrassing cocktail of teenage resentment and spite, the song also showcased a whole new level of snark, with spoken word echoes such as "He calls me up and he's like 'I still love you'" -- charming. In her misguided attempt at girl power sass, Taylor sounds more mechanical than ever. Her sweet patented coo is nowhere to be heard. It's more middle-school than post-John Mayer breakup, the musical equivalent of flashing the proverbial "L on your forehead" that was so popular during my own school yard years.
But it doesn't make sense to grade T-Swift on a scale of emotional maturity or musical complexity. Girl knows her audience, which is best epitomized by her young merry band of youtube commentators. Many of them have already dedicated this ode to their dreadful ex "Brendon" or "Brent" or "that dumb-ass Tom," with dozens more names of silly, immature boys to come. T-Swift wrote an ode for angry teen girls, and you can bet that angry teen girls are going to relate to it, and even swear that T-Swift knows them better than they know themselves. Who knows? Maybe that's kind of true.
So in that sense, T-Swift accomplishes, through unimaginably irritating means, what she sets out to do. Success is relative, right?
That said, I am never ever listening to this song again.