The Musical Olympics
    • FRIDAY, JULY 27, 2012

    • Posted by: Zoe Marquedant

    Athletes and sports teams from around the globe spend their entire careers working towards a spot in the Olympics. Since ancient Greece, the events of the summer and winter Olympics have united the international community with each day bringing a new display of sportsmanship and skill. There is representation by almost every sport, but what about the musicians of the world? Not all of us went out for football in high school. Band members and the not-athletically-inclined deserve a spectacle too. A multi-day event -- a Musical Olympics, built for musicians.

    The Musical Olympics would consist of three categories: aquatics, gymnastics, and track and field. Each event would be based off actual Olympic categories, and judge similarly. These games would give the guitar-players, drummers and pianists a chance to show off their skill and complete against one another for title and medal. May the best band win.


    Stage diving:
    This event will be judged on who best can take-off and land in the arms of adoring fans. Points will be awarded for toe-touches and twists.

    Crowd surfing:
    Similar to the stage dive, contestants will have to jump from the stage and not land on their feet. The winners will be the first to take a lap around the audience and return back to the stage.


    First contestant to properly destroy-beyond-recognition a mahogany solid-body in the allotted time period wins.

    Each contestant is given two sticks and one standard 6-piece set, from there it is up to the drummer to 'wow the judges.

    Mosh pit:
    A floor routine must be performed while in the crowd. Routines will be set to whatever song the band happens to be playing. Extra points awarded for creativity and bloodshed.

    Track and Field:

    100 m. Dash-back-to-the-tour-bus:
    Medals will be awarded to whoever is fastest on their feet when it comes to avoiding the rabid fans and paparazzi.

    Contestants will be judged on their ability to take as many shots as possible and then write a song.

    Musicians, but more likely roadies, will compete to see who can carry the most instruments cases at once.

    The contestant must toss two drum sticks as far into the crowd as possible, the further of the two will be the final tally.

    Contestants must obtain a non-blurry decipherable picture of the band. Free of camera phones, security guards and lens flares.

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