Wacky Walk On Songs For Our Presidential Besties
    • TUESDAY, JULY 26, 2016

    • Posted by: Robert Steiner

    For all the unpredictable twists, turns, and shockers that happen during election season, you can always count on one thing: Musicians getting pissed about politicians using their music. Practically a staple of the modern election campaign, candidates forget to ask the artist or band for permission to blast their song at their rallies and conventions, which doesn't go over well with the artist, words are exchanged, and the whole cycle is repeated four years later. It's clear presidential candidates can do whatever the hell they want with their music choices, so if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Here are some songs that our presidential hopefuls, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, can use to appeal to the masses and show they have musical taste worthy of the White House.


    Kid Rock - "Born Free"

    One of the only artists who didn't complain about his song's use at last week's Republican National Convention (he performed at the RNC, in fact) Kid Rock has long been a loud-and-proud Conservative voice and the traditionally liberal music world. It's a perfect anthem for those who know Trump will restore the freedom America lost by cutting off the country from the rest of the world as much as humanly possible.

    Brad Paisley - "Accidental Racist"

    We've all been there...wearing a Confederate Flag shirt 'cause you're a Skynard fan, calling everyone from a country drug dealers and rapists...you know, tiny race-related missteps. What better way for Trump to show some humility and say, "See Mexico? I'm a cool guy, Brad Paisley and LL Cool J think so! But seriously, pay for this goddamn wall with your cartel money ASAP."

    Hank Williams Jr. - "America Will Survive"

    An anthem about survival and preserving the American way perfect for all those God-loving, hard-working Americans out there preserving our family ideals. Also, a good substitute to "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor, since the gays ruined that one.

    George Harrison - "Beware of Darkness"

    True, Trump's daughter Ivanka received some flack for using "Here Comes the Sun," but the Harrison estate actually said on Twitter, "The unauthorized use of ?#HereComestheSun? at the ?#RNCinCLE? is offensive and against the wishes of the George Harrison estate. If it had been "Beware of Darkness," then we MAY have approved it! ?#TrumpYourself?." It's a song about avoiding fear and tyrannical power-hungry dictators...but let's just say it's about Hillary Clinton and move on

    John Williams - "Imperial March"

    Everyone needs a song to get boots on the ground and feel powerful, and there's no song that screams "power" better than this Star Wars classic. Sure, it's the theme song for the bad guys, but as the Donald would probably say, you're a nerd and a loser with no friends if you know that.


    Shania Twain - "Man! I Feel Like A Woman!"

    It's 90s nostalgia and feminist anthem all wrapped into one, a perfect fit for the Clinton campaign! Plus, if you do feel like a woman, that probably means you should vote for Hillary or you're going to hell. Just food for thought.

    The Mountain Goats - "This Year"

    This uplifting tune about getting through the year no matter what might have already been on Clinton's playlist since 2008. What's great about this one is that once you make it to the next year, but still haven't reached your goal, you can keep listening to this song for motivation for the next 12 months, and so on and so fourth. The unrelenting years may go by with the passage of time, but Clinton's making it to that White House, dammit, even if it kills her.

    Beyonce - "Formation"

    I mean, this kick-ass song about being a proud, black woman is PERFECT for Clinton! It's probably her favorite song already! She carries hot sauce in her bag, and as it turns out, so does Beyonc! Isn't that such a funny coincidence, guys? Guys?

    Cake -"The Distance"

    Another 90s jam for that nostalgia throwback, plus everyone needs a song to get pumped up to. It's a song that's kind of rock, kind of rap, and it has trumpets in there so let's say there's classical music influence...that's three different demographics reached in one song! All in a day's work for Hillary Rodham Clinton.

    Chris Finnen - "Don't Send Me an Email"

    Seriously, don't send her an email. Ever. Don't even say the word "email." We don't like to talk about it here at the Clinton campaign. In fact, we don't know what you're talking about. It never happened. So don't talk about it. Seriously, stop it. STOP IT.

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