TUESDAY, JULY 02, 2013 |
Posted by: Matt Howard
Today, fired Groupon CEO Andrew Mason released his first full-length album, and get this - it's called Hardly Workin'. We're actually impressed by this witty album title, however, that's about as far as its allure stretches. The seven tracks on Hardly Workin' were described by Mason as "motivational business music," and it would be a source of wisdom for younger generations enterin' the business world. WUT?! So wait, the dude that got fired for bein' shitty at his job is singin' shitty songs to us about how we should improve our shitty approaches to business? That sounds shitty, and so does each and every song on this album.
Let's break 'em down for you.
1. "Look No Further"
The song opens with a brutal frat house acoustic strum and moves into the openin' line, "If you're seekin' business wisdom, you don't need no MBA." Mason didn't have an MBA, he had a degree in music. We shit you not.
2. "The Way to Work"
Nothin' like a musical metaphor about a mornin' commute. "It's the reason I get out of bed / That meditative moment is how I work." No one finds traffic inspirin', you dick.
3. "My Door Is Always Open"
This is what happens when Kermit the Frog and Michael Scott meet and record a song.
4. "Risin' Above the Pack"
If you haven't noticed already, I've been ditchin' my -ing's. That's the only thing I've learned from Andrew Mason thus far; G's don't use g's in their gerunds.
"Steve Jobs invented the first mouse / It had a single button , point and click." NO NO NO NO.
6. "Stretch (feat. Bishop Lamont)"
Way too much math rap and percentages for me to care about, but this song about stretchin' numbers could perhaps benefit someone: the Baltimore homicide unit.
7. "It's Up to Us"
Honestly, this song wasn't playin' for us on Spotify, but we're goin' to assume it wasn't good.
What Have We Learned?
Mid-life crises are a bitch. We can only hope this fired-to-music career transition becomes a trend. We're going to continue crossing our fingers for Paula Deen's Dive Into Gospel: Volume 1.