7 Artists You Don't Want To Admit You Like
    • MONDAY, JUNE 19, 2017

    • Posted by: Caroline Bojarski

    Nickelback just released a new album called Feed The Machine, marking three years since their last studio effort and about twelve years since "Photograph" drifted on the autumn breeze like an airborne contagion spread via radio. Twelve years sounds like enough of a cushion for a guilty confession, so here goes; in middle school, I experienced a phase where I un-ironically loved Nickelback's "Rockstar." There, I said it. I feel so much better having gotten that off my chest.

    Nickelback isn't the only band on your mind when you carefully save a few skips (No, I don't have Premium, and I never will) in preparation for the unlikely event that one of their tunes comes creeping out of your saved songs archive in the presence of people you are trying to impress, or any people at all, really. We understand and have your back with a list of bands you won't admit are on your playlists, whether they are guilty pleasures or throwbacks from chapters of your life that you aren't quite ready to laugh about yet.

    1. Nickelback

    Since this Canadian quartet of Levi-flaunting rockers inspired this post, they deserve first mention. Nickelback achieved the singular feat of becoming a household name synonymous with 'bad taste in music' sometime in the mid-late 2000's and they still stand head and shoulders above other contenders for this title. Maybe it's the way Chad Kroeger's voice could single-handedly run Marlboro out of business as an anti-smoking campaign (Does he even smoke?), maybe it's the skeevy line, "Gonna dress my ass with the latest fashion/ Get a front door key to the playboy mansion," either way, if Nickelback comes on shuffle within earshot of anyone, you know you're scrambling for the skip.


    2. The Dave Matthews Band

    There are no moderates when it comes to an opinion about the Dave Matthews Band. Many learned scholars with musical knowledge far beyond mine have spent hours, written articles, and polled internet trolls in an attempt to decipher just what it is that makes DMB so divisive, to no avail. It could be the way the group hovers on the bubble between genres, lacking the freewheeling funk of jam band archetypes like Phish and moe. but improvising extensive live solos that disqualify them as a pop/rock outfit. Some haters claim it's not DMB they hate but DMB fans. This makes the most sense to me as I have never witnessed quite as many arrests in one evening as I did at a 2012 Dave Matthews concert. (Confession number 2) This clip from Parks and Rec perfectly sums up stark bipartisanship on the Dave Matthews question.


    3. Eminem (Does not include situation-appropriate classics from early albums)

    Unless you're sitting around with friends and reminiscing or perhaps making a high school reunion playlist of some sort, you will blush and rush to change the song the minute you hear the opening notes of "The Real Slim Shady" creeping their way onto your speakers. Eminem is definitely in the Guilty Pleasure category, however, as few artists know how to get angry quite like the platinum-haired rap god.



    4. Florida Georgia Line

    There is simply no excuse for Florida Georgia Line. Ever. The remix of "This Is How We Roll" inexplicably featuring hip-hop/R&B star Jason DeRulo manages to repel both country and top forty/hip-hop fans, leaving it with an underground following of embarrassed listeners.


    5. Jack Johnson

    "Halaka ukulele/ Mama made a baby." You know you recognize these lines from Jack Johnson's mellow theme song "Banana Pancakes," and you know you loved this song at one point, even going so far as to learn a super chill version of it on guitar or -- if you were a die hard fan -- the ukulele. This song serves as a haunting reminder to many about that period of time where they wanted to come across as a down-to-earth dude who loves to feel the sand between his toes. Bonus points if you also owned a fedora.


    6. Blink 182

    Ok, we know pop-punk is showing a resurgence but somehow Blink is just not on the list of punk bands that are acceptable again. You can still blast "All The Small Things" in your car, just not if you have any passengers or you're going to be sitting next to the same people in traffic long enough for them to recognize your face.


    7. Macklemore

    This one makes me a little bit sad because Macklemore helped make it cool to shop at Goodwill, and I love a good flannel as much as the next basic bitch. It also robs me of one of my few opportunities to brag about knowing an artist 'before he was cool.' I knew "And We Danced" way before everyone else, but I'm still waiting for it to become cool.


    Honestly, if you like any of these bands, listen away. We won't judge. At least not openly.
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