My Mom and I Got Drunk and Reviewed Meghan Trainor's Album
    • THURSDAY, MAY 26, 2016

    • Posted by: Kirsten Spruch

    It's 10:38 PM on a Saturday night and I'm feeling alright. I've had lots of red wine (red > white) and my mom has been sipping on a strawberry margarita (her favorite). We've decided we want to listen to Meghan Trainor's new album for shits n gigs. Personally, I've always wanted to do a drunken review, so I pitched the idea to my (very cool) mother and she took me by surprise and volunteered to join me. Please keep in mind: we are not huge Meghan Trainor fans. But that's partially why we're doing this. It's hilarious.

    So let's begin...

    1. "Watch Me Do"
    Kirsten: So this song is called "What Me Do." Watch her do what? She keeps telling us to watch her do but I don't get it.
    Mom: Sounds like she's trying to sound like James Brown.
    K: Not gonna lie though, this is catchy.
    Mom: What is wrong with you?
    uncontrollable laughter
    K: Ooooooh, theres like a cool a cappella thing going on in the bridge and it sounds good.
    Mom: She just mentioned James Brown in the lyrics! Told you.

    2. "Me Too"
    Mom: She's kind of very into herself, isn't she?
    K: I feel like Meghan keeps trying to prove to us that she likes herself. Like, you go girl, we're glad you're embracing self-love, but this is borderline narcissistic and you're coming off as a bit desperate now.
    Mom: I hate this music. What kind of accent is she singing with?

    3. "NO"
    K: This sounds like the last two songs.
    Mom: I don't get the meaning of this song. Is she just saying no to everything?
    K: Well, it's like when guys bother you and assume you have to say yes to them all the time because of all their masculinity and stuff. Like annoying guys at bars I think.
    Mom: But she said her name is No.
    K: Yeah, I guess it's just like, a metaphor or something.
    But I'm over this song. It sounds kind of dated, the way she's singing over the last chorus. Sounds like an early Nelly Furtado.
    Mom: But not in a good way.

    4. "Better (feat. Yo Gotti)"
    Mom: Who is Yo Gotti?
    K: Sounds like a type of yogurt.

    5. "Hopeless Romantic"
    K: A sensitive side of Meghan.
    Mom: Kinda boring.
    K: You are being such a hater.
    Mom: Well I'm going into this with preconceived opinions.
    K: This is like that really corny ballad that every mainstream pop album needs.
    Mom: I need to be more drunk. Let's go to the next song.

    6. "I Love Me"
    K: This song is actually called "I Love Me." Hahahahaha.
    Mom: She's a little heavy on this theme, isn't she?
    Also, there's no real music in this. Just a lot of percussion and narcissistic lyrics.
    K: Is Meghan Trainor ever gonna get married? Or is she gonna marry herself?
    Mom: Only if she can publicize it.

    Drink break

    7. "Kindly Calm Me Down"
    K: Starts off with piano nice.
    Mom: The chorus reminds me of Imagine Dragons.
    K: If she loves herself, why is she all of a sudden so dependent on this person?

    8. "Woman Up"
    Mom: This is the first time we heard some guitar I think. We're back to that Furtado vibe, right?
    K: Yeah. In the verse. Kind of a caribbean vibe, too. I can dance to this. I wanna dance. You wanna dance?
    Mom: No I don't.

    9. "Just A Friend To You"
    Mom: Oh no. Ukulele. I fucking hate ukulele. I hate this song already.
    K: Sappy as fuck. NEEEEEEXT.

    10. "I Wont Let You Down"
    K: This one is also sappy.
    Mom: I thought she was saying she deserves better, so why is she saying this dude deserves better now?
    K: This also kind of has a caribbean beat.
    Mom: All of these songs sound exactly the same. From the lyrics to the instrumentation.

    11. "Dance Like Yo Daddy"
    Mom: Terrible, terrible title.
    K: WOAH this also sounds just like old school Nelly Furtado WTF
    Mom: This song is freaking annoying.
    K: What's that accent she's talking with?
    Mom: Thats what I'm saying. It's so weird.
    K: Move like your mama ?!!?!? Stopppppp! This is weird.

    12. "Champagne Problems"
    K: This is a long album.
    Mom: Shit, there are 15 songs?
    K: By saying champagne problems, is she saying she's an alcoholic?
    *instrumental hook kicks in*
    K: Wait, I can actually jive with this. *starts dancing*
    Mom: Life is too short to care about the internet connection -- thats what my takeaway is from this.
    K: I like this a lot. The music is also dope.
    Mom: You're drunk.

    13. "Mom (feat Kelli Trainor)"
    K: Well this is awkward. This song is all about loving her mom. Mom, am I allowed to hate on this one?
    Mom: Can we say this is our favorite song?
    K: Thoughts?
    Mom: I finished my drink, and if you were a good daughter, you'd get me another.
    K: Can we talk about how Meghan rhymed mom with bomb? This is like peak cheese-factor.
    K: This is terrible.

    14. "Friends"
    Mom: Finally, more guitar. I like it when it has guitar. All songs should have guitar, even electronic ones.
    K: This song has some pretty good beachy vibes.
    Mom: I find it hard to believe Meghan has friends.
    K: Oh my god, mom.
    Mom: Am I being too heavy on the Meghan Trainor hate?

    15. "Thank You (feat R. City)"
    K: LAST SONG! Im tired!
    Mom: Thank You for ending the album?
    K: Corny.
    Mom: All these songs sound the same to me, but this is probably the best of the bunch.
    K: I disagree, this isn't the best one.
    Mom: I was not drunk enough to make this album good.

    OVERALL: 0/10 Experience, we do not recommend this to anyone.

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