Yes sir, we're still watching this show. And if you've already bailed, we've got your Tuesday night rundown right here. Here's all you need to know about the nine remaining contestants:
• Blake is the front runner for the males, assuming you believe everything Simon says. He does NOT have the strongest voice amongst the four remaining guys, and Tony Bennett (tonight's guest judge) seemed to realize this. But Blake knows how to play his cards right, and he wisely replaced his beatboxing skills with some jazzy scatting during the performance.
• Phil probably has a better voice than Blake, but the judges want him gone. According to Simon, the dude just can't do anything right. We do agree that tonight's song choice was a little odd, and the arrangement did nothing to bolster Phil's tenor voice. But if you're gonna praise Blake's musical skills, then you really should glorify this shiny-headed rockstar.
• Melinda is a vocal powerhouse trapped in the body of an oompa loompa. She has one of the best voices here - if not the best - and we'll boycott reality TV if she doesn't make it to the Top Two. That being said, we wish she would move around more when she sings, since the soprano only shuffled around a 4-foot box during tonight's scorching rendition of "I Got Rhythm."
• Chris Richardson was originally something of a Timberlake copycat, but he's quickly becoming better and more unique. Dude rocked it tonight, what with those long vocals runs and everything. He should be in the Top Four, but we'll have to see if the audience puts him back in the bottom three like they did several weeks ago. Silly audience.
• Jordin is the best 17 year-old singer we've heard since... since, like, some really good current singer was 17 years old. So there.
• Sanjaya is the best semi-talented, semi-funny, awkward-to-watch, odd-hair-styled singer we've heard since... well, we can't really think of anyone to compare Sanjaya to. He shouldn't have trimmed his hair, though. Hasn't he read the Bible? Didn't he see what happened to Samson?
• Oh Haley. You endure so many sexual comments from Simon. God bless you. You're also pretty. God bless you for that, too. But you still might get voted off tomorrow.
• LaKisha's voice is the sonic personification of power. Get ready for an epic battle between her and LaKisha. "When Divas Attack." It's gonna be awesome.