Do you have an average of 500 million streams on Spotify for every song? Do you have dreads that could, in the most inoffensive way possible, be the hairstyle of possibly a Chasidic Jew, a hipster, or a homeless man all at once? Do you have the most amazing grill of all time? No? Then you best sit down and listen to a master at work. That's right. Post Malone
. The OG SoundCloud rapper. The mustache. The hair. The grill. The grill
. If you're not swooning yet, you soon will be - there are literally an endless number of reasons to love this man.
First of all, look at that face. The charming smile. The tattoos. The gold teeth glinting in the sunlight. He's like a cherub, like one of those Greek statues in a museum somewhere. Truly amazing. How could you not fall in love.
If his looks aren't enough for you, it's important to note that he has close to a billion streams of "Congratulations" on Spotify - you know, that song you've been hearing on the radio for the past year that gets you stoned just by listening. Just kidding! But actually, it's true.
If that's not enough for you, the man is only 22 years old. He might as well be a baby. Most people are barely out of college at 22 with a useless liberal arts degree under their belt and no real life experience - but not Posty. No sir. Just look at that sweet, sweet smile. I mean, not everyone can pull of a face tattoo of barbed wire like that.
Also, the man has some dope ideas about life ‘n stuff. Best quote of the below interview: "the biggest lie is the U.S. government".
He also just dropped this good-ass song with Ty Dolla $ign back in February that has those trademarked Posty vibes - the warbling voice, the haunting production. It's all there.
The greatest thing, I personally think about Post Malone is not the fact that he is beautiful, or talented, or has the greatest face tats of any of the rappers with face tats. No. It's the fact that his songs are unashamedly for getting fucked up way too early on a Thursday night. And he knows it. I mean look at "rockstar". It quotes a vine reference. And yet, therein lies its brilliance.
Alright, it's a banger. I won't lie. Lucky for us, Posty's next album, Beerbongs & Bentleys, is out on April 27th and it's sure to be full of more incredible tunes.
Love you, Posty.