WTF WEEKLY: Azealia Banks is Still Crazy, Louis Tomlinson Arrested + More
    • THURSDAY, MARCH 09, 2017

    • Posted by: Kirsten Spruch

    1. Ed Sheeran has "gotten with" a ton of Taylor Swift's buddies.

    In a recent interview with Rolling Stone to promote his new album Divide, we learned a lot of new things about Ed: 1. He's kind of a drunk and 2. He's hooked up with a ton of BFF Taylor Swift's friends. Yeah, he was actually drunk for the interview, which I guess he had to be if he was going to talk about the fake meaning behind the evidently meaningless "Shape Of You" for the 500th time. But I'll try to give him a pass for that since he's English.

    As for Taylor, are we surprised that he dropped her name in the interview? No. The answer is no:

    He says he hooked up with some of Swift's famous friends. "Taylor's world is celebrity," says Sheeran. "I was this 22-year-old awkward British kid going on tour with the biggest artist in America, who has all these famous mates. It was very easy. ... I would often find myself in situations just kind of waking up and looking over and being like, 'How the fuck did that happen?'" (Katy Perry recently summed up his appeal as a secret ladies' man: "Everybody loves him, no one's scared of him, they want to date him. They can have him.")

    Well no offense Ed, but I'm sure the women woke up next to you and thought "how the fuck did that happen?" too. I mean, you're not exactly Ryan Gosling. They probably thought that's who they were talking to last night after a couple of drinks. Or maybe they really were just turned on by your talent and good personality. That would be a nice thought I guess. Also, can we talk about who he could have hooked up with? Apparently him and Swift never have and never will touch. When asked about the rumors of them dating, he said, "I found that aspect quite lazy journalism...There wasn't any truth to it whatsoever." There have also been other rumors of him and Ellie Goulding, but Goulding denies them.

    2. Azealia Banks missed a court appearance because she was at Fashion Week in Paris.

    Azealia Banks is crazy. She starts fights with everyone via social media, goes ballistic on planes, and sacrifices chicken in her closet (we're still not exactly sure what that means). It's safe to say that this chick needs to chill out. I'd encourage her to take a vacation but then again, you could probably set her up with a relaxing sauna, glass of wine, and a double dosage of Xanax and she'd still probably curse off the masseuse for getting too close... You get the point.

    She had a court appearance scheduled for March 6th to deal with that whole thing where she bit a female security guard's boob at a club in New York, but she didn't show up. Instead, she was at Fashion Week in Paris - yeah, not even close to the right country that the court date was in. Now TMZ is saying that the judge issued a bench warrant for her arrest. There must be cops out on the search for Azealia all around the world, like fat kids on the hunt for chocolate eggs on Easter (I couldn't think of a better metaphor this time, folks).

    Why go to court when you can twerk dat ass in front of the cameras? Because YES, apparently THONG SHORTS ARE A REAL THING:

    3. One Direction's Louis Tomlinson was arrested at LAX.

    It looks like every member is heading in one direction lately - TOWARDS CATASTROPHE. This week it's all about Louis Tomlinson, who was arrested at LAX for assaulting a papz photographer. He was charged with "simple battery," and NBC News reported, "Tomlinson, 25, was booked at the LAPD's Pacific Division, where he posted $20,000 bail and was released at 1:32 a.m. Saturday, according to the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department." I'm sorry - all I heard was $20,000 (!!!). Did he just have that in his pocket ready to go for when this time came? Was he getting ready to go buy a boat after he got off the plane? If I had to bail myself out for $20,000, well, I couldn't. I'd be like, "uh, can I trade you my dog?" Or maybe if I just stopped paying rent for 20+ years I could work out some sort of payment plan with the cops.

    Then some other rando girl started recording Louis' girlfriend with her cell phone, Eleanor Calder, who did not like that one bit. NBC continued, "Tomlinson allegedly tried to take the woman's cell phone by grabbing her wrist, causing her to fall to the floor. During the altercation, the woman was struck in the eye, Hernandez said... 'The female witness and the photographer both filed Private Persons Arrest statements,' she said. The photographer was transported to a local hospital for treatment. The female witness was treated on scene and released."

    If you saw a celeb in an airport, why would you start following them around and recording them? I'm not trying to defend this predictable boy-bander-gone-crazy, but to be fair, what would you need that footage for? Was she going to desperately Tweet it out to all of her 4 followers for validation? Was she going to creepily watch it over and over again every night before she went to bed? I just don't see the purpose behind this. And it wasn't even Louis, the famous one, but his GIRLFRIEND.

    You can see Louis and his lady friend trying to get the hell out of that airport as security guards try to reel them back in:

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