1. One Direction's Liam Payne is officially a baby with a baby.
23-year-old Liam Payne is officially a daddy! Can you hear the One Directioners screaming in the distance? After doin' the deed with 33-year-old Cheryl Ann Fernandez-Versini (we just call her Cheryl now), they are officially parents to a nameless baby boy! Ah, I remember when they first met - Payne was 14-years-old and auditioning for The X Factor
while Cheryl was, uh, the judge. A bit mental, innit?
Payne shared a photo on Instagram, letting all of his fans know that the baby is here with the following message:
"My close friends and family know there are very few times when I'm left speechless... wow! I'm incredibly happy to welcome our new baby boy into the world, it's a moment that I will never forget for the rest of my life and my favourite memory I have so far."
"I'm completely in awe of his incredible mother and how she has been the whole way through this, she's really made my dreams come true. We haven't named him yet but he's already capturing hearts including mine. I feel very blessed. Happy Mother's Day everyone!"
Thankfully, he didn't get his front door in the picture, because you know
his fans would show up with some not-so-nice things to say. It's pretty crazy that LeeLee just had a kid, considering he was a child himself only a few minutes ago.
2. James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" is not a romantic love song, and if you think it is, you're a psychopath.
13 years. We have been lied to for 13 YEARS.
In 2004, James Blunt came out with "You're Beautiful," a stunning, slightly-heartbreaking love song that creeps its way into every wedding playlist. EXCEPT THAT IT'S NOT A STUNNING, SLIGHTLY-HEARTBREAKING LOVE SONG BECAUSE WELL OKAY EVERYTHING IS A LIE.
The singer recently did an interview with The Huffington Post
to promote his new album, The Afterlove,
(did anyone know he was dropping a new album?) and he admitted something dark and twisted about the monster hit, "Everyone goes, 'Ah, he's so romantic. I want 'You're Beautiful' as my wedding song.' These people are fucked up..." Not only is it not just not
romantic, but it's about a high-as-shit pervert who follows innocent women around subway stations, Blunt revealed. "You get labeled with these things like, 'Oh, James Blunt. Isn't he just a soft romantic?' Well, fuck that. No, I'm not. 'You're Beautiful' is not this soft romantic fucking song. It's about a guy who's high as a fucking kite on drugs in the subway stalking someone else's girlfriend when that guy is there in front of him, and he should be locked up or put in prison for being some kind of perv." I feel like this is kind of similar to the Teletubbies turning into lesbian porn stars
, and suddenly my whole childhood has been ruined.
...So seriously, WTF? Let's dive into this song, line by line, and see if Blunt's telling the truth:
"I saw an angel
Of that I'm sure."
Okay, so he just thought she was pretty. No biggie. I make mental notes of hot dudes I see on public transportation all the time.
"She smiled at me on the subway
She was with another man."
Okay, well she was with another man, so that's a little off-putting. As for the smile, maybe she was smiling out of fear, in hopes that it would make James go away. Or maybe she was cursing him off but he was too high to see.
"But I won't lose no sleep on that
'Cause I've got a plan."
Uhhhh, what kind of plan you got there, buddy? Now you're starting to sound weird.
*Then the whole "you're beautiful! You're beautiful it's true!" chorus*
"She could see from my face that I was,
Okay. Yup. We can confirm that James Blunt was totally not
lying to The Huff Post. The song we once cherished and hoped to walk down the aisle to is about some creepy old high perv.
3. The day that none of us have been waiting for is here: Iggy Azaela is back.
It looks like the Kardashians' trend of big booties is still going strong, since Iggy Azaela has officially made her "big comeback" with the song "Mo Bounce." Or maybe it's not really trendy anymore and just kind of dated and this is not really a comeback. I don't see anything here that I haven't seen before. We have waited three years for this?
Hell, I would have been happy with waiting forever. When I got the press release, I just sighed and was like, "Well...We have to deal with this now..."
I'm really curious to see how Iggy will perform this live, since the entire song is basically her saying "mo bounce" on a loop. We'll probably just see a lot of twerking. So much twerking...