1. Justin Bieber got more shitty tattoos.
Remember when Justin Bieber celebrated his sweet 16 by getting that wimpy little bird tattoo on his hip and we all laughed at him for how lame it was? Well boy, don't we wish we could take back all of those laughs now... But we can't, because words are like a tube of toothpaste: once the toothpaste spills out, you can't push it back in. Or maybe you could if you had a decent work ethic. Anyway... Yeah, making fun of Biebs' tiny lil tat was a mistake because little did we know, it was just the gateway drug to a fuckton of even shittier
tattoos. I still wasn't used to the huge "Son of God"
written across his chest (had to take a five minute break from writing after laughing at that so hard), and now he decided to add two more - possibly worse - tattoos. (For the record, as a gal with tattoos, I don't like to make fun of people's tats. Ever. That shit's permanent and obviously means something to that person, but this is Justin Bieber
, and he is our fan-hating, TMZ headline-making punching bag.)
He recently posted a *scandalous* photo showing off his fresh new ink: a grizzly bear on his left boob and an eagle under the marvelous "Son of God"
tat. First of all, the photo makes me feel like I am very
close to the Biebs, and I'm not sure I ever want to be that close! Secondly, we get it Justin, you were finally able to grow out your armpit hair.
So now let's talk about the tats. Why a bear and an eagle? Good question. Maybe Biebz recently went to the zoo for the first time (because his early beginnings as a child star prevented him from having a zoo-filled childhood!) and fell in love with ALL of the animals. Or maybe, his spirit animal is a bear, except that it is also an eagle and, haha! Biebz is so indecisive and quirky, he just couldn't choose! I don't know. But what I do
know is that if I was his girlfriend and the time came for him to take off his shirt, I'd run away screaming.
Also, here's a pic of Biebs' dad. Do you see the resemblance?:
2. Wyclef Jean arrested wrongfully for sort of looking like a suspect.
What does Wyclef Jean have to do to get arrested? Not much, apparently. He just has to sort-of-but-not-really
look like a suspect that the police are going after.
Two days ago, he was arrested at 1 AM in West Hollywood by the LAPD. The New York Times
reported that it happened "after they mistook him for a suspect in a robbery near the studio where he had been working."
Jean then took to Twitter with a video message, saying "L.A., right now, coming from the studio...Y'all see the police have handcuffs on me. They just took off my Haitian bandanna. That's what's going on right now with Wyclef in L.A. right now. The L.A.P.D. have me in cuffs for absolutely nothing."
Sgt. C. Duncan, an officer with the Los Angeles County Sheriffs Department in West Hollywood, told The NY Times, "the suspect was described as a black man with a dark hoodie who fled in a gold or tan Toyota. At about 1:25 a.m., deputies pulled over a vehicle matching that description driven by a woman with a male passenger. When the man, who later turned out to be Mr. Jean, was seen wearing a red bandana, the victims, contacted by radio, said that the suspect had also been wearing one." Later on, Jean called for an investigation into racial profiling.
I mean, don't the police officers know who Wyclef Jean is? He's in the Fugees. Everyone
knows the Fugees. And better yet, he sang "Hips Don't Lie" with Shakira.
Maybe if he started wiggling his hips, the officers would have let him go. I think they just need to explore the huge black hole that is YouTube for a few hours and familiarize themselves with some basic music history.
3. Drake admits to drunk-texting ex GF J. Lo.
As we all know, Drake dropped a way-too-long "playlist" entitled More Life
last week. It immediately starts off with shady J. Lo beef, on the first track "Free Smoke," "I drunk text J. Lo, old number so it bounce back,"
he admits. Looks like J. Lo dumped Drake and changed her number shortly after. I wonder what made her do that - were Drake's emotions getting too in the way of their relationship? Was he too obsessed with Nicki Minaj's booty? Was she too embarrassed of his Degrassi
days? Or maybe his dance moves? We may never know, but what I really
want to know is why is this playlist 22 songs long? Drake, I'm tired.
I've had a long day. I ran out of bread to make avocado toast and it was 30 degrees outside. I don't have time for this. Can you just pick out the best ones and send 'em over?
With Drake and J. Lo publicizing their fake relationship so much, we were sure there'd be a collaboration on the playlist, but sadly, there is not. US Weekly
said, "Shortly after going public with their romance last December, the former couple teased an unreleased collaboration while dancing at a winter wonderland-themed 'prom' in Los Angeles. The song, titled 'Get It Together,' did make it onto More Life,
but Lopez's vocals were replaced with those of the up-and-coming British singer Jorja Smith." As the very wise Kim Kardashian once said, so rude.
Listen to the shady track: