It's that time again... Time to catalogue another episode of American Idol, from its mishaps and missed notes to the occasional stellar performance. Preferably more of the latter than the former, but we'll just have to see. Off we go!
8:05 - Holy hell, these kids get to be coached by Diana Ross?! Sanjaya is the luckiest semi-talented singer in the world.
8:06 - Diana Ross has an afro that puts Chris Sligh's hair to shame.
8:10 - Brandon forgets his words, pulls himself back into the song, ends with a bang, and gets soundly trashed by the judges. Except Paula, of course... but she kinda doesn't count.
8:18 - Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell trade gay jokes, laugh, trade more gay jokes, laugh. Repeat. [Sigh]
8:20 - Melinda has a killer voice, but does anyone else hate her wide-eyed incredulity everytime she receives a compliment? You're good, Melinda. Love it. Own it. Stop raising hunching your shoulders and pulling your head into your body like a little turtle. Sheesh.
8:26 - Chris Sligh transforms "Endless Love" into a Coldplay knock-off, which is odd... but still kinda cool. Once again, the judges trash it. "I think you transformed a beautiful song into a complete and utter drone," deadpans Simon.
8:34 - "Love Child," as interpreted by Gina. The disco keyboards are replaced by strings, which sounds kinda cool. Diana Ross' voice is replaced by Gina's Evanescence-styled wail, which sounds semi-cool. But the judges don't really like it. There's no pleasing those folks tonight.
8:45 - Sanjaya has a perm. It's... just... Sanjaya has a perm.
8:55 - Here comes Haley... Annnd she forgot the words. Good luck at that judging table, babe. Even your long, vibratto-laced high notes aren't going to erase that from Simon's memory.
8:59 - Surprise! Simon likes it!
9:06 - Phil may not have hair, but he sure does have high notes. Cheesy song, but spot-on performance. America could use a bald-headed Idol; it'd be good for us.
9:15 - LaKisha. Power. Soul. Grit.
9:26 - Blake modernizes his song, refrains from beat-boxing, channels Maroon 5, and doesn't irritate us nearly as much as he used to. The judges are skeptical, though. But weren't they just telling the contestants to make the songs their own? Wasn't that the advice-of-the-day last week?
9:35 - The American Idol stage really looks like a spaceship. Did we accidentally change the channel or something? Is this Battlestar Galactica?
9:37 - Stephanie will always be compared to Melinda and LaKisha, unfortunately. And who can compare to those vocally supersized powerhouses?
9:43 - Chris Richardson = Justin Timberlake, pre-No Strings Attached. He could be huge, or he could end up like the dudes in 98 Degrees who weren't Nick Lachey.
9:51 - Jordan Sparks sounds good! Nice use of breathing, too. It is an important of the musical phrase... Are we dorky for knowing such things?