The Beyonce-Themed Valentine's Menu You Never Wanted
    • TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 04, 2014

    • Posted by: Matt Howard

    There are plenty of things that that thoughts of Beyonce dancing in my brain stir up, but my appetite isn't one of them. This Valentine's Day, Brooklyn restaurant Brucie is offering a special menu thematically tailored around the pop superstar. Every item on the menu is quirkily titled like a terrible Twitter hastag party, and still they somehow missed the ever-so-important rump roast. Gentleman, take it from someone who already made the mistake; themed restaurants will not get you laid, even if Beyonce is a little sexier than Chuck E. Cheese.

    Check out the full menu below:


    OUR VALENTINE'S DINNER IS BEYONCE THEMED.

    Email RSVP@brucienyc.com for seats and details. Let's fall in love.
    WE WOKE UP IN THE KITCHEN SAYIN HOW THE HELL DID THIS SHIT HAPPEN, OH BABY...
    February 14, 2014
    ONE
    BLUE IVY - smoked blue potatoes, chiriboga blue, trout roe, watercress 16
    OYSTERS ROCAFELLA - copa, mustard greens, pernod aioli 16
    SURF BOARD - deviled bone marrow, root vegetables, bone broth bathtub 17
    PINK IS THE FLAVOR - scallop, monkfish torchon, grapefruit, beet, breakfast radish 16
    22 DAYS VEGAN - cauliflower, pistachio, golden raisin, cocoa nibs 12

    TWO
    JAY-ZITI - "carter" clothbound cheddar, speck, sweet potato, sage pistu 19
    HALO - angel hair, truffle, burnt angel food cake "breadcrumbs" 24
    I AM PASTA FIERCE - jalapeno pappardelle, puttanesca, gold leaf 24
    PUT A RING ON IT - anelli, calamari, broccoli, saffron 20

    THREE
    BUGA-BOUILLABAISSE - house blood sausage, lobster, clams, squid ink aioli 32
    REASONABLE TROUT - blood orange, caper, chicken liver butter, hazelnut 28
    DRUNK IN LOVE - negroni short rib, beef heart salad, farro gremolata 30
    BREASTINY'S CHILD - veal breast braciole, pickled fig, sopresatta, goat yogurt 29
    CHEESE - chedda 9
    SIDES
    ICEBERG 7
    DIVA IS A FEMALE VERSION OF A BRUSSTLA 6
    BREAD & ANCHOVi BUTTER 3



    And because we couldn't help ourselves, here are a few menu items from our own, yet-to-be-named music themed restaurant.


    - Miley Cyrus' Wrecking Matza Ball Soup

    - Neutral Milk Hotel's King of Carrot Soup

    - The Black Keys' Lonely Po' Boy

    - Bon Iver's Chala-cene French Toast

    - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah's Upon Title Wave of Young Blood Sausage

    - Arcade Fire's Normal Person (Probably just a cheeseburger)

    - Mac DeMarco's Cooking up Something Good (It's Lasagna!)

    - Taking Back Strawberry Sundaes

    - Blood Orange Champagne Cocktails

    - Nirvana's Heart Shaped Box of Chocolates

    - Of Monsters and Men's Your Bones' Marrow


    h/t: Observer
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