For those of you unaware and/or unbothered that this weekend is one of the biggest in all of sports, we'll refrain from discussing Colin Kaepernick's dumb tattoos and Ray Rice's awesomeness (GO R-U!). Instead, we're going to look at the cities of Baltimore and San Francisco through an alternative lens.
Don't worry, we're not making Danny Tanner fight Omar, even though that would be epic.
Instead of tossing around the ole' pigskin, we're going to gauge each city based on its own respective music scene. Each team is comprised of four (4) players (musicians, bands, etc.) who call Baltimore or San Francisco home.
Scoring: Each artist/band will be rated on a scale of (0, 3, or 7). Football scoring is so damned silly. Ratings are dependent on the band's most recent album review, music video, or single.
We were huge fans of Yeasayer's third album, Fragrant World, last summer. (Ray-Ray bursts through for the TOUCHDOWN!)
Foxygen (San Francisco)
These dudes embody the San Francisco vibe with divine nostalgia. But will they take off? (Deep bomb to Randy in the endzone - old man misses it. Looks like we'll have to settle for Akers' boot.)
Dan Deacon (Baltimore)
The super-hyped hipster messiah puts on one hell of a show, but isn't quite cut out for the big show. (Turnover on downs)
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (San Francisco)
These black-leather rockers have been at it for over a decade and are still going strong with their seventh studio album, Specter At The Feast, due out this March. (Vernon Davis with a huge grab up the middle!)
Animal Collective (Baltimore)
Animal Collective, known for having more bandwagon fans than the Dallas Cowboys, actually pull through since we hopped aboard following last year's release Centipede Hz. (Ray Rice squeezes through for his second of the night!)
Oh No! During the final drive of the game San Francisco's NOFX went down and had to get carted off the field. They'll have to go with their back up. This is not looking good folks...
Smash Mouth (San Francisco)
You're only as strong as your weakest player... (-50 yard sack for the safety.)
Final Score: (23-17) BALTIMORE WINS!
John may have won this one, but we'll never forget Jim's Saved By The Bell appearance: