73-year-old Mick Jagger and his 29-year-old girlfriend Melanie Hamrick announced the birth of a son today, Jagger's eighth kid by five different women. Jagger's last kid, Lucas, was born back in 1999 to Brazilian model Luciana Gimenez Morad. Diving in to the Rolling Stones frontman's family tree is kind of like watching the Stones perform in recent years - like, how the fuck is this still going on? For a little perspective, the oldest Jagger child is daughter Karis, who recently turned 46. And the second oldest, 45-year-old Jade, became a grandmother in 2014. That's right, the newborn Jagger son has a grand-nephew who is 2 years older than him. Confused yet? So are we. We'd say it's pretty doubtful that the whole Jagger clan gets together for the holidays, but damn, that would be one comically confusing dinner table or family portrait.
The announcement also caused some pretty great confusion, as a good amount of people seemed to think 2016 might have claimed the life of yet another legendary musician. Extremely relatable tweets like this one popped up when Sir Mick Jagger started trending:
There also seems to be no end to the dreadful puns coming out of this announcement. Some of the shamelessly terrible jokes have included: "Papa is a Rolling Stone," "If you start him up, he'll never stop" and "Jagger's stones are still rolling." Okay, I made that last one up and I acknowledge it's just downright disturbing, but it was too easy.
Anyways, we're wishing all the luck and joy to the very unconventional Jagger family, and we're counting on Mick to keep going forever. At this point, it seems like the Stones have probably sold their souls for immortality. Or they're just the living personification of rock's timeless quality. However Mick is doing it, we expect him to keep on doing it for a long time to come.