WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2012 |
Posted by: Diego Clare
Christmas-themed music videos are always chock-full of impossibly white smiles, green screens, auto-tune, and horrible recreations of families and friends getting along better than they ever would in real life - all of which just makes us here at Baeble want to cringe with delight. So here are the cringiest of the cringe, the cheesiest, most uncomfortable Christmas music videos we could find! Merry Cringe-mas to all! And happy holidays.
8. Destiny's Child "8 Days of Christmas"
This one is basically just a perfect example of consumer culture propaganda designed to guilt male's into spending more money on their girlfriends. It screams, "You won't even get close to a sexy, Barbie-esque woman without dropping some serious bills first, bro!"
7. Jessica Simpson - "Let it Snow"
And it's Jessica Simpson on a backdrop with a red umbrella. That's it. Not only does this look like a Target commercial, but it's just flat out one of the most boring videos of all time! NOTHING happens. Why even make this??
6. Band Aid "Do They Know It's Christmas?"
While I'm sure this fine, young group of musicians had really good intentions, one has to wonder what they were thinking when they wrote these lyrics. Essentially the entire message of this song is poised around one thought: "It's so awful in Africa, they don't even get to have Christmas!" Honestly, I think even if the people in Africa (talk about specific) who are dealing with such hardships did in fact know it was Christmas, they'd be unlikely to give any shits.
5. Billy Idol "Jingle Bell Rock"
Please, please stop smiling! You're probably wondering how it is he can bear to have his shirt unbuttoned in all those bushels of snow. That's because Billy Idol was actually played by one of those singing "press-my-button" toys you'd buy (or, wouldn't buy) at a novelty shop. Plus, he's just too stone-cold sexy to be affected by temperature - nor does he seem affected by the fact that he's singing enthusiastically to an empty room. Worrisome.
4. N Sync "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays"
I feel embarrassed for Gary Coleman here - not just because he sold his soul to be an elf, but also because they make it seem like getting N Sync to perform this was his idea - and to make Santa feel better, no less! This one has some of the worst green screen action I've ever seen. Also, in the producers' attempt to include a bit of cultural diversity, they threw in a good ole' Christmas "Shalom" at 1:34.
3. Faith Hill "Where Are You Christmas"
First of all, her hair-do makes her look like she just stepped out of a panini press. Also, is that moment where she wipes the snowflake from that girl's face supposed to be comforting? I think everyone who watches this video identifies best with the Grinch circa 1:43 - Faith Hill, just leave us aloooone!
2. Cliff Richard - "Mistletoe and Wine"
What good is a little "Mistletoe and Wine" without a whole lotta CHEESE? This wins for best use of fake snow. It only shows up for a few seconds around 1:44, right after the animated fireworks go off over his crotch, and then the snow vanishes. Yeah, this one's a keeper.
1. John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John - "I Think You Might Like It"
This is the crowning jewel of Christmas corn. Honestly, I just expected something a bit higher grade coming from two of America's most successful film stars. But hey, it's for charity. Can someone tell me what in God's name is up with Travolta's facial hair? Eeek.