THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 2016 |
Posted by: Ben Feit
There's a fine line between a creative, witty pun and one that's just dumb and insulting to everyone's sense of humor. Obviously, this is an entirely subjective line that generates a lot of strong opinions. If you're going to come with some Thanksgiving puns on Twitter, though, they better be good. We collected what we thought were some of the best and worst results of #TurkeyDayLyrics trending last week. Please be responsible and limit your pun use tonight. Your family will thank you.
THE BEST PUNS
Stuffing Compares 2 U
Yes, a thousand times yes. How can you forget this legendary song. We will shout this from the rooftops while staring lovingly at a large turkey in a roasting pan. For real, you have to joke about this song not to cry.
Carve Me Maybe
There's a weird amount of innuendo in this food-themed Carly Rae Jepsen pun and we do not like it. We love it. Fits perfectly in the repertoire of extremely awkward moments that are bound to go down at your Thanksgiving dinner.
Bitch Better Have My Stuffing
There's not much pun to this one, but it is a very real sentiment that we will all be having today. If there's no stuffing, shit is going to go down and it will be ugly. Let this serve as a reminder to whoever is cooking for your family.
We know how important it is to get the word out about baster abuse. The Who tried to do it so long ago, but the label wouldn't let them - had to change it to "teenage wasteland." What a shame. Remember this holiday season, don't baste and drive. (All jokes very far aside, this time of year is a very serious reminder never to drink and drive). [Ed's note: Thanks, Dad.]
Dark or White
This is a reminder for all you picky eaters out there, don't discriminate. Dark meat or white meat, it's all delicious. In fact, it's probably good enough to bust out an MJ leg kick and scream "Shamone!" No guarantees on how your family will react, but hopefully they'll all reply with a high-pitched MJ "hee-hee."
THE WORST PUNS
Sympathy for the Deviled Eggs
Very little effort put into this one. Also, deviled eggs are one of the most underrated appetizers in the game. They don't need your sympathy, they know they're the shit. If you don't have deviled eggs at your Thanksgiving, that's your fault. But keep your sympathy and your weak puns to yourself.
I have no words for this. It is downright disturbing and it has no place in our holiday celebrations. I don't want Miley ruining my ability to ever eat turkey again. Stop twerking poultry 2016.
This weak flip of AC/DC's "Dirty Deeds" is doing nothing to brighten Thanksgiving dinner. Turkey meals? Really? This is not a game. You don't do your Thanksgiving meal dirt cheap. You put your heart and soul into that shit. I hope your meal is significantly better than your pun, Lori, but I'm not too hopeful.
Come on, man. You didn't even change the lyrics. I don't think we can even count this as a pun. Besides, I think we can all agree yams are a pretty weak part of Thanksgiving. [Ed's Note: False.] Eminem does not mess with weak shit. He is whatever you say he is, but you better not be saying he's a damn yam-eater.
Any Way You Bake It
Journey is already a living joke, there's no need to go after them on Thanksgiving. I'm sorry but I think there's a correlation between listening to Journey and having a dry turkey and chunky mashed potatoes. Get some good music on, get some soul into your cooking, and maybe this year your guests will stay for dessert.
So there it is. Is there really much of a difference between the best and the worst of Thanksgiving puns? No there's not. The worst can be the best and the best can be the worst if you hear them a few too many times. The punny lifestyle is not an easy one. Least of all on sensitive family occasions. Be safe in all you do this Thanksgiving, and if you do feel the need for a terrible pun make sure no one is at risk of choking when you let it out.
Honorable Mention - "Wishbone Bling"