You know what? It doesn't even really seem fair to judge One Direction on the same plane. First of all, it'd be more of judgment on the handful of people (Ed Sheeran being one of them) who wrote the majority of 1D's second album, Take Me Home
. And second of all, I'm not even sure One Direction's goal is to be good, in the traditional sense of the word. For One Direction (and whoever is behind them), "good" might as well mean "gains as many fans as humanly possible," and in that case, Take Me Home
is probably really good. But no, we're not going to play the indie snobs who spit on mainstream pop music - life's just not fun living with your nose turned up. Instead, here are three things about Take Me Home
that really surprised me.
One Direction is sort of hair metal
No, seriously. You can hear it in the chorus of the lead single, "Live While We're Young," and the theme repeats throughout the album. Compare the opening riffs of "Kiss You" to Poison's "Nothin' But a Good Time," or the monstrosity of any of One Direction's hooks with the hooks of Def Leppard, or any of Take Me Home's
ballads to Extreme's "More Than Words." It's uncanny - everything is huge power chord breakdowns and echoed percussion. It's almost hilarious that One Direction has repurposed hair metal, and that every teenage girl in two countries is eating up every second.
Take Me Home is sort of about sex
Even if we ignore the album title, at least four songs on this album are thinly-veiled references to intercourse. On "Live While We're Young," besides saying that they're going to "get some" over and over, there's this little snippet:
Hey girl, it's now or never, it's now or never
Don't over-think, just let it go
And if we get together, yeah, get together
Don't let the pictures leave your phone
Excuse me, Zayn? Did you really just sing that? That one's for free, you're going to have to listen to the rest of the album yourself, like I did, if you want the rest of the Easter eggs. Hint: the boys refer to going "all the way" at least once.
Besides the sex talk, nothing else makes sense
It's like no one even tried. Honestly, I think Take Me Home
would have made more sense if the guys wrote everything themselves (actually, they could have just followed the guide we wrote for them
). The songs on Take Me Home
have way too many "Na na nas" and "Yeah yeah yeahs" and more spell-singing ("Would he say he's in L-O-V-E?") than a Sesame Street soundtrack, but what really stood out is when the boys use their words. On the song, "Little Things," One Direction pushes the low self-esteem-loving agenda of "What Makes You Beautiful" even further by singing, "You still have to squeeze into your jeans/But you're perfect to me." Girls love it when you talk about their flaws. Oh wait, no they don't.
Kids, this is how you make a bajillion dollars.