Everything about the Moz is legendary, from his hatred for the Crown, to his utter disdain for us filthy carnivores. But the best details of the Morrissey
mythos come from none other than Noel Gallagher, who claims that the troubadour can put drinks back with the best of them, yet remain stone-cold sober. In perhaps the most accurate statement anyone has ever made about the Moz, Gallagher once said, "...he can drink! Doesn't really get drunk though. Remains equally as vicious from the f***ing minute you meet him to 7 hours later."
If you've listened to enough Morrissey you'll know that he's a creature of habit in his music. Thus, we decided that would translate well into a fun little drinking game. The timing is perfect too, as Morrissey's new album Low in High School
releases this Friday, so you can kick start your weekend with some new tunes and mild liver damage. So, without further ado, in honor of the new album and Morrissey and his unique ability to get drunk without lightening up at all, we present The Morrissey Album Drinking Challenge.
There is one rule and one rule only and that is, crying is perfectly acceptable and in fact, openly encouraged. Also, the "prizes" as you might call them are tiered, starting with one sip of your drink, moving to two sips of it, and then finishing with chugging your drink.
Take One Sip
- Any time Morrissey "wishes" for something
- Any time Morrissey says please in the manner of asking for a favor
- Any time Morrissey says he's sorry or apologizes
- Any time Morrissey calls someone "stupid" or "idiotic"
Take Two Sips
- Any time Morrissey rails against an institution of authority (school, work, the government, etc.)
- Any time Morrissey equates love with pain or death
- Any time Morrissey takes a perverse pleasure in depressing things
- Any time Morrissey tries to force a questionable rhyme
Chug Your Drink
- Any time you empathize with Morrissey or see yourself in the song
- Any time Morrissey alludes to or discusses asexuality
- Any time Morrissey pronounces his love or desire for someone while also criticizing them
- Any time Morrissey makes a literary or historical allusion or reference
Good luck, and enjoy.