The Bizarrely Perfect George Costanza, R Kelly Parallel
    • MONDAY, OCTOBER 07, 2013

    • Posted by: Matt Howard

    Earlier today, R Kelly shared his latest single called "Cookie", and after hearing it, we couldn't help but realize that throughout his 20-year career, he has managed to make the ladies go swoon all while carrying out a certain unattainable dream set forth by George Constanza. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Seinfeld catalog, on October 16, 1997, during the fourth episode of the series' ninth and final season, George sets out to perform the unthinkable; to combine his carnal love of sex and his gluttonous diet into a single sensuous act.

    Apparently, Georgie took it one step too far by greedily including sports radio, and we can only assume that this is precisely how R Kelly has managed to remain so successful throughout all these years. In his latest song off his upcoming album Black Panties (YES!), however, the Prince of Pillowtalk could end up experiencing his own Icarus moment as he has bastardized one of America's favorite treats.

    Hey, at least after hearing that you might finally steer clear of the "Double-Stuf", unless that's what you're into ... weirdo. This connection drove us to peruse through R Kelly's entire collection of hedonistic hits to see how often he really has incorporated breakin' bread with bumpin' uglies.

    "Chocolate Factory" Chocolate Factory (2003)

    Candy caramel coated taffies chocolate covered strawberries
    Love so sweet, you're my chocolate factory
    Gum drops mixed with chocolate milk bars, there's so much variety
    Love so sweet, you're my chocolate factory

    "Honey" The Best Of Both Worlds (2002)

    Baby I can't figure it out
    Said you pussy tastes like honey
    But I can't stop huggin' the block
    All night tryna get this money

    "Sweet Tooth" Double Up (2007)

    Got a sweet tooth for you girl
    Baby I'm tempted to taste
    I can't wait to drink your milk
    You're looking like a big whole piece of cake
    I'm all up in your middle
    Oooh it taste like skittles

    Apparently, R Kelly is picking up women in a part of town that we're unfamiliar with, but we sure would appreciate the directions.

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