Well, there you have it, Katy Perry
will be headlining the Super Bowl XLIX Halftime show in 2015, and GWAR will not. In the wake of the Bruno Mars announcement of 2014—which let's be honest, turned out to be a pretty fucking great show featuring the Red Hot Chili Peppers
, move your chair Chad Smith, Bruno Mars can fuckin' shred. Post-Super Bowl, a disgruntled GWAR fan started a petition
on change.org to put the group in the running for the Super Bowl Halftime Show of 2015. 53,321 of the necessary 50,000 signatures later, the show still goes to Katy Perry.
Barring a (very) few exceptions, the Super Bowl Halftime show has been headlined by one of two types of artists during the last 20 years: female sex symbols putting out chart topping hits, or old white dudes whose new stuff (if it exists at all) is irrelevant at best. Perry's a walking, talking, singing, and dancing male fantasy—Elle
magazine describes her body "as though sketched by a teenage boy"—so you know, par for the 100 yard course. GWAR, while it pains me to say it, you never really had a chance.
On the bright side, Katy Perry might be the next best thing to GWAR in terms of spectacle.
While I am truly, truly sorry GWAR, never underestimate Katy Perry's football fanbase. This is evidenced by 2:04 min into the video of the BYU (Oh yeah, Utah's Brigham Young University) football team: