On Monday afternoon, I posted a short blog piece
teasing the NFL Films documentary that told the story about how Seattle Seahawks fans have incorporated the music of Phish into their stadium chants. According to the post's backlash that arrived via Reddit
, Phish fans are about as sensitive as a warm butt cheek on a freezing cold toilet seat.
Let me begin by telling you that I have very few complaints about the music of Trey Anastasio and co. Sure, in the post I referred to it as "craptastic", but that was in the context of it being applied to the high-energy and exciting sport of football (both of which Phish's music IS NOT). My sense of contempt is aimed entirely at the avid Phish fan. You know, the neckbeards who are continually being arrested at their favorite band's concerts (238 at MSG just last week
). Few fans of any band would feel the need to so overzealously condemn the life of a single person's opposing opinion. Perhaps they're so insecure about their taste that they find it necessary to team together to ensure their lame cult community will survive. A similar attack took place last year when VICE's Benjamin Shapiro mocked this same delicate bunch
. And through all of the hate, not a single Seahawks fan gave me any gripe about calling their Pro-Bowl quarterback petite. Clearly (and surprisingly), football fans are far more stable than those of Phish.
Since working at Baeble, I've run into a few other examples of these maniacal reactions. Try and guess whose fans get the most heated. Up until this Phish fiasco, the only brutally negative responses that my satirical commentary received came from bands like One Direction, Taylor Swift, and Sky Ferreira. So all the brahs who told me to personally "fuck off," and said the "PT Army is gonna fuck my world up," should know that they are on the same emotional level as dense 13-year-old girls. Congratulations, I'm terrified.
And for the many of you troglodytes who criticized my position as a music writer, you must not understand how my job works. I am a music and pop culture pundit. To put it in language you'll understand: I send out vibes, both groovy and harsh, and see what types of vibes roll on back at me, man. And in this case, it's a job well done.
For your enjoyment, I scoured through the lengthy declarations of Matt Howard hate on both Reddit and our own comments to find my favorites, and here they are:
Thanks for the insight man, but I'm still waiting for that table-side guacamole I ordered 10 minutes ago...
Phish fan stereotypes are played out, but that 40-minute guitar solo can totally crunch on forever.
Is this some kind of mating call?
Well, that's kind of an honor.
Who's the pot and who's the kettle? (This is the video
I'm still waiting...
I also want to mention a very nice email that I received from an anonymous Phish fan asking me very politely why I dislike Phish. I'll be getting back to you shortly, and thanks for the message!