Pepsi Anthems: 7 NFL Bad Luck Charms
    • WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 30, 2013

    • Posted by: Stephen Cardone

    Football. The word alone conjures up feelings of intense pride, devastating loss, and the smell of delicious ribs. Every year 32 teams compete for the ultimate prize and it can be hard to believe that the football season is now almost over (especially if your team didn't make it).

    When the season started, Pepsi saw the opportunity to cash in on a huge marketing opportunity by assembling seven top-40 and waning artists to handcraft cringe-worthy "anthems" for seven respective franchises. We can only hope that this will not become part of football tradition, even though it probably will. After one of the very best postseasons of all time, a highly anticipated Super Bowl Sunday is finally days away. As we prepare for the epic clash between the San Francisco 49ers and the Baltimore Ravens, here are the seven "team anthems" released by Pepsi this year. Ironically, none of these teams even made the playoffs.

    7. Lenny Kravitz - "Play Like A Jet"

    I might be biased here, being a die-hard Jets fan and all, but this anthem is kind of okay only because Lenny sticks to his tried-and-true formula. I find it hard to believe that Mr. Kravitz was not referring to the infamous "Butt Fumble" when he urged the athletes on the team to "Play Like A Jet." Unfortunately those kinds of mistakes are becoming hallmarks of the Jets offense. Game day bucket go boom!

    6. Ice Cube - "Come and Get It"

    In many ways Ice Cube is the perfect match for Oakland Raiders. They both represent Cali; they are both has beens; and most important of all, they both bark louder than they bite. "Get out my booth!"

    5. Travie McCoy - "All In"

    In this anthem, Travie McCoy rhymes the word "Blue" with the numbers "5,4,3,2," and for Giants fans, it's as embarrassing as it sounds. I guess a complete collapse in the second half of the season constitutes going "All In" these days. It wouldn't be so bad if Travie didn't proceed to shout out every borough in the form of sophomoric nursery rhymes. Apparently "we all love this city."

    4. Kelly Clarkson - "Get Up (A Cowboys Anthem)"

    The most bubblegum pop anthem award goes to the Cowboys. No surprises there. This anthem is possibly the best summary we're going to get of every hit single Kelly Clarkson has ever made. A bouncy beat is coupled with her lame, contractually obligated plug-ins for the Cowboys. Her claim that "We came, we saw, we conquered what you couldn't" is simply ridiculous given Tony Romo's uncanny ability to throw games away in the fourth quarter. Jerry Jones is rubbing his hands together and smiling somewhere.

    3. Wiz Khalifa - "Black & Yellow (Steeler Nation Remix)"

    This is a tricky one. On one hand, we have a lazy, clearly phoned-in remix that does almost nothing to enhance the original. On the other hand, Pepsi was smart enough to realize that they could not manufacture a better anthem for Pittsburgh if they tried. The result is pretty much the same boring ubiquitous song you've heard a thousand times already.

    2. Aerosmith - "Legendary Child"

    We can only assume Steve Tyler was referring to Tom Brady when he made "Legendary Child," a song that substitutes curses with the word "woah." This song is trying really hard to sound like "Walk This Way," with its half-rapped verse and cock rock guitar line. This is Aerosmith at their absolute worst, and brother, they weren't so great to begin with.

    1. Kid Rock - "In Detroit"

    This song is face palm worthy. Somehow Kid Rock manages product placement for The Ford Motor Company in addition to the Lions football team. It's a lame blues progression that finds Kid Rock proclaiming that "we don't pay for that high class hollywood shit" like that might be some sort of good thing. Thank god its only about two and a half minutes long because the song really doesn't have much to offer. Maybe if you live in Detroit you can explain to me how a "Motown throw-down" works. If this song is any indication, it must look like a scene out of West Side Story.

    Who do you want to win the Super Bowl this year?
    Which one of these anthems is the worst?
    Let me know in the comments below.

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