Trump Books Bruce Springsteen Cover Band for Inaugural Ball
    • THURSDAY, JANUARY 12, 2017

    • Posted by: Robert Steiner

    President-elect Donald Trump held his first press conference in nearly half a year on Wednesday, and he handled the event graciously and treated reporters with the respect and patience required for a smooth and productive presidency...

    ...At least that's what people hoped would happen. Instead, as 2016 taught us we can't have nice things anymore, our soon-to-be 45th President of the United States did his usual routine of temper tantrums and insulting any and all of his critics. In between the name-calling and ignoring reporters, Trump talked about how his Inaugural Ball will showcase "tremendous talent," and told the New York Times on Monday that there will be "plenty of movie and entertainment stars" in attendance. Well, we already know the second thing is a lie; this is the same guy who called Meryl Streep "overrated" but invited Chachi from Happy Days to the Republican National Convention, after all. But what about the music? What YUGE acts are in store to ring in the new President?

    I hope you're ready to rock out, people, because the latest act to sign onto Inauguration festivities is none other than a Bruce Springsteen cover act, the B Street Band. "The original Springsteen tribute band" according to their website, the B Street band is just like the E Street Band, except without any of the originality, acclaim, or actual Springsteen. Who can forget such legendary hits like "Dancing In the Dark," "Badlands," "Born to Run," or "The River?" The B Street Band certainly hasn't; they jam on these songs at every gig! Hell, they'll even break out some deep cuts if you give them at least a day to practice! No word yet on what the Boss himself thinks of the new booking, but considering he's an outspoken Democrat, performed for both President Obama and Hillary Clinton at various rallies, and has called Trump a "moron," it's safe to assume he's perfectly happy with not playing DC on the 20th.

    Other acts set to play the presidential party include opera singer Americas Got Talent finalist Jackie Evancho, who will be singing the national anthem but still isn't totally sure if the rest of her family is invited. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir and the Radio City Rockettes will be there as well, except of course without their respective members who quit or refuse to perform, but hey, it's the idea that counts. And if you believe the lyin', liberal, biased, *insert negative adjective* media's fake stories about the lack of big name talent, get ready to eat those words, because both country duo Big & Rich and "Hick Hop" (yeah, that's a thing) star Cowboy Troy are set to rock the night away with some all-American country twaaang. As if it couldn't get any better, the two artists already collaborated on the timeless classic, "I Play Chicken With The Train," so expect an epic live team-up to break out this lil' diddy!

    To put this all in perspective, President Obama's 2009 Inauguration included Stevie Wonder, Aretha Franklin, Jay-Z, Alicia Keys, Yo-Yo Ma, Bon Jovi, U2, and the actual Bruce Springsteen, just to name a few. There's a metaphor or foreshadowing in there somewhere, but frankly I'm too depressed about the whole thing to read into it. As the band the B Street Band pretends to be once sang, "Glory days well they'll pass you by/ Glory days in the wink of a young girl's eye/ Glory days, glory days."

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