Plot Hole Investigation: Katy Perry's 'Roar' Music Video
  • THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 05, 2013

  • Posted by: Matt Howard

Today Katy Perry shared her official "Roar" music video, which as you can most certainly imagine, is as compelling as a tiger's taint. Here's our synopsis: set in an ambiguous era; Katy and her short-shorts beau crash their plane in the jungle; boyfriend is eaten by a tiger and K-dawg bounces like a total wuss; FAST-FORWARD: KP wins over jungle creatures with rockin' boobage. Now, I'm no jungle pro, but I have seen my fair share of Man vs. Wild, and the world's most hardcore bad-ass nature expert Bear Grylls taught me that the jungle is the fucking worst. It's more humid than a mid-July NYC subway platform and it's nearly as dangerous with snakes and spiders and shit. Did I mention the mosquitos? But somewhere in her 11-year-old creative director's mind, this was the perfect setting for that perfect rack.



Wow. America's youth is doomed. Here are a few totally unnecessary rants about the video we all just actually watched.

PLOT HOLE: This tool is dressed like he went to high school with Indiana Jones, but he's taking a fucking selfie with whatever crap phone Nokia's trying to sell your little sister?



PLOT HOLE: Where's the scene where she killed, gutted, and skinned the silk leopard to sew together this bra? So unrealistic!



PLOT HOLE: Wild elephants are incredibly dangerous killers! I guess nudity quells any murderous desires.



PLOT HOLE: Because wild tigers are sooo attracted to red feathers tied together. Idiots.



PLOT HOLE: Did we mention that elephants are totally fucking nuts and known to be a bit stampy?!

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