is at it again. Dropping albums, dressing up as monsters, and now, buying mansions. Gaga paid just over $5 million for the property once owned by the late rock legend Frank Zappa. The compound, in Los Angeles' famed Laurel Canyon neighborhood, was inhabited by Zappa from the mid-'70s until his death in 1993. For those not aware, Zappa was a natural precursor to Lady Gaga. He was the original king of not giving a fuck and doing weird shit. The guy was known for albums like Burnt Weeny Sandwich
and Weasels Ripped My Flesh;
his first two kids were named Moon Unit and Dweezil. He named his home studio the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen. Now, we're all imagining how bizarre this compound must be to host the beautiful chaos that was Zappa and now will be Gaga. So let's take a look at some of the features described in the property listing and see just how crazy it is.
"Rooftop tennis court, large backyard swimmers pool."
Starting out with some pretty strange stuff here. Who even plays tennis? Does Lady Gaga even have time for sports? And swimming pools... people die
in swimming pools, man, that's not a coincidence.
"Two guest cottages, attached guest apartment."
I dont know, this is just plain creepy. I don't think these guests are earthly beings, personally. And I won't believe otherwise until they open up Area 51.
"One-of-a-kind mosaic art amidst the lush landscaping."
This sounds like hell. A maze of mosaics in a cluster of hedges designed to disorient you until you collapse from dehydration under the LA sun. That's what Im picturing, anyways.
This is where Lady Gaga will take up residence, reenacting American Horror Story scenes and making her guests wear meat-only clothing when they visit. It's the only logical conclusion, because we all know that artists can't possibly live normal lives in their multi-million dollar compounds. There just has to be weird stuff going on in there. If you don't believe me, watch this shocking video displaying the horrific insides of the Zappa-Gaga estate (below).
[Warning: The music in this real estate video is atrocious. Listen to "Perfect Illusion" instead - it's almost the exact same length.]
Oh, well that was surprisingly normal. Ridiculously huge and luxurious to the point where I'm going to go home and cry about how small my place is, but still, relatively normal. No monsters, no dungeons, no beds shaped like coffins. Man, this is boring. Come on, Gaga, buy a more interesting house next time. You really let us down with this one.