The Meadows Festival May Or May Not Be Run By The Illuminati
  • FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2016

  • Posted by: Ben Feit

[Photo Credit: Kirsten Spruch]

If you aren't already aware, the Meadows Festival is a two-day music event at Citi Field in Queens, New York on October 1st and 2nd. However, recent developments have led me to believe that The Meadows is much more than a festival. The ease with which superstar J. Cole was recently added to the lineup is unnatural. Hear me out. The Meadows is actually a fast-advancing plan seeking world domination, perpetrated by the Illuminati. The frightening and mysterious New World Order started by putting into action their foremost puppet, Kanye West. For proof on Kanye's Illuminati connections, refer to this tweet from God himself:



The Meadows then added an absolutely insane list of names to the lineup, including Chance the Rapper, Kygo, The Weeknd, Bryson Tiller, The 1975, Empire of the Sun, Damian Marley, and Cage the Elephant, to name a few. Yesterday, it seemed like Saturday Night Live had dealt a considerable blow to Illuminati domination when it was revealed that The Weeknd would not perform at the Meadows due to a scheduling conflict with SNL. But Illuminati agents were quick to find a replacement for The Weeknd in J. Cole. J. COLE!?!? Really? Like you can just call up J. Cole and get him to join your evil plot? How the fuck is that possible?

meadowslineup


Next, in an absolutely baffling development, the Meadows sorted out The Weeknd's schedule and got him back on the schedule for Saturday. Essentially, they used a scheduling conflict as bait to finesse J. Cole into a lineup that now guarantees the enslavement of all music fans worldwide. Our weak inferior brains cannot possibly handle Kanye x Chance x J.Cole x The Weeknd. We're done for, sheeple. Absolutely done for.

[Disclaimer: The Meadows is probably not run by an ominous world organization looking to enslave everyone through music. It is, however, probably going to be the most ~lit~ music event this year and for some time to come.]
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