GUIDE TO WRITING A ONE DIRECTION SONG: Start with a vaguely surf-rock leaning guitar lick, make sure it's based around I and V. Four lines of verse, sung by one member, must reference girls. Drop into pre-chorus. Vary length of pre-chorus to confuse children who suspect this is still the same song. Drop into chorus with seemingly complicated drum lick that's actually just eighth notes on the downbeat. Have everyone sing the chorus. Twice through, second time with variation. Make sure the last line sees the instruments drop out with one member singing the hook. Second verse: COWBELL.

I'm embarrassed by how many times I listened to this song to write this guide.



For those who doubt the accuracy of this formula:



Come at me, tweens.