So as you'll recall, yesterday we excitedly watched Teenage Mutant Garbage Flower Ke$ha run around the Japanese metro, yelping like a dying platypus about dying young or something. Today she announced her new album, Warrior, and the cover, which looks like an intern at The Onion created it. Tears.

With Dr. Luke at the helm, we're sure to experience plenty of chart-topping hits on this new album, despite my internal hemorrhaging. It features collabs with Max Martin, Benny Blanco, Cirkut, Bonnie McKee, Wayne Coyne (?), Iggy Pop (???), Patrick Carney (COME ON), Ben Folds (NO), Greg Kurstin, Kojak, Ammo, and Billboard (WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN).

The first single "Die Young" was cowritten with Nate Ruess from fun. (because there aren't enough bullet points on my suicide note), Benny Blanco, Cirkut, and Dr. Luke.

From the PR:

Says Ke$ha, "I am so excited to finally share WARRIOR with all of my amazing ANIMALS. I've been working for a year on this new record and have collaborated with some of my idols. This process has been long and intense and I couldn't be more stoked to share this music. I hope with WARRIOR my fans get to know me in a much more raw and vulnerable way."

"Raw and vulnerable" is exactly how I'm describing MY WRISTS. Warrior is out never for me, because I'll be dead by then.