THURSDAY, AUGUST 29, 2013 |
Posted by: Matt Howard
If you weren't already aware, Paul McCartney is releasing a new album in October, and today, he released its first new single. The title of the album is New, and the new song? Well, that's called "New", too. Sure, now it's all in good fun, and my fellow bloggers are enjoying the ease of writing with ironic wit, but what isn't very "new" is Macca's marketing mentality, and the massive impact this simple three-letter album title will have on the entire world.
Although he's 71 years old, and this is going to be his 16th LP release, we can assume - due to his anti-aging serum unavailable to we, the plebeians - there will be a 17th, and perhaps even an 18th album to follow. So what happens when the successor of New begins its own promotional endeavors? The answer is Mass Macca hysteria.
2015 will go down in world history as the year a 73-year-old former Beatle ruined modern technology and caused the end of the world. Word will spread as a new (17th) Paul McCartney album is being recorded. This will be immediately followed by a mass Google search query of "Paul McCartney's new album". Harmless right? Wrong! Everyone's search will be answered with links to his previous LP, New, which will be followed by confused WTF tweets of middle-agers looking for their fix. The chain reaction continues as tweens see the Twitter trend and hop on to say Paul McCartney is "old and irrelevant, go 1D/BieberFever!" This chain reaction leads to the militarization of the polarized age forces against one another. Everyone dies. Everyone, that is, except Paul effin' McCartney.
Okay, well this was a bit of an exaggeration. But really, that's a pretty dumb name for an album, even if it is Paul McCartney. Come on!
Enjoy the new song, "New"!
New is due to release on October 14th in the UK, and 15th in the US.