Cause and Effect: The VMAs Create Niche Porn Freaks
  • MONDAY, AUGUST 26, 2013

  • Posted by: Matt Howard

I didn't watch the MTV VMAs last night. I was too busy watching Walt, Jesse, and Hank's lives unravel on Breaking effin' Bad. In all honesty, I didn't really need to watch the VMAs, because I knew Buzzfeed and the like would gif it all out this morning, making it an LOL-able and time-conscious ingestion. Now that I've gotten my fix, I can make an educated assessment: In 10 years, the world is fucked.

MTV has had a serious impact on the sexual maturation of multiple generations. As someone who discovered boners following Fiona Apple's "Criminal" music video, and breached the walls of pimply, pants-poking puberty during Britney Spears' famed VMA snake and nude suit, I know first-hand the mental and physical toll this network's programming takes on the minds of young boys and men. And to be honest, I turned out pretty fucked up. I'm a member of the last generation to recall nudie mags and still-image porn (crazy right?!). Thinking back to the fervent craze and disapproval of Britney's performance, and how tame it seems in retrospect, I fear for the 13-year-old boys who watched the VMAs last night. My generation is responsible for today's point-and-click fetishes. Category sections and tags on porn sites already exceed into the thousands, and I am terrified to imagine what these poor, little weirdos will be getting their rocks off to.

Last night we not only had Miley's tongue and twerk, but MTV gave us Lady Gaga in a G-string and Katy Perry's bouncing sports bra. And don't get me wrong, as a 25-year-old man, this stuff is pretty rad, but in all honesty, it's meant to be shamefully viewed in private. Here are a few cause and effect gifs to visually depict the citizens MTV is creating.

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