Michael Bay's Ninja Turtles Has a Theme Song: Cowabung-Oh Noooo Dudes
  • TUESDAY, JULY 22, 2014

  • Posted by: K. Hess

Dear Michael Bay, please leave my childhood alone.
I was born on Pearl Harbor Day, and back in 2001 you managed to ruin three things I love in one fell swoop: historical fiction, my birthday, and Alec Baldwin (I'll let you slide on Ben Affleck, but only because 2003's Gigli was a low below Bay-epic proportions). Then you spent the next 7 years — my lucky number — bastardizing Transformers in the name of artlessly flipping mac trucks over Oscar winner Frances McDormand. Now you have somehow managed to turn the clever, hilarious, dumb-ass-kicking, loves of my early life into Megan Fox's back up dancers. *Long mournful sigh*. Alas, it gets worse: there's an original theme song. It gets worse: it's an EDM-hip-hop hybrid. It gets worse: it's soaked in bad puns.

I apologize for giving you "Shell Shocked" by Juicy J, Wiz Khalifa, and Ty Dolla $ign ft. Kill The Noise and Madsonik:





You and me both Master Splinter, you and me both.

This abortion of a tune is the worst thing to come out of Hollywood commissioned rap since... oh yeah, this:



Yo, hip-hop, STOP FUCKIN UP.

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