WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20, 2012 |
Posted by: Amanda Scherker
Here at Baeble, we do our goshdarned best to keep you hip to the latest tracks, albums, artists we have stuck in our heads. But what about those songs that get lodged in there simply because we went to the wrong bar or sat next to the wrong tween-with-max-volume-setting-on-her-headphones on the subway? Your favorite ever-suffering music lovers did some serious cultural slumming to dig up the top 5 songs from 2012 with hooks guaranteed to play, broken-record style, in your head all day. You can't say we don't suffer for our craft.
WARNING: These songs might result in sleepless nights, spontaneous acts of violence, and/or existential crises.
1. "You don't know, you don't know you're beautiful"
The cuties of No Direction have the formula down when it comes to seducing 12-year-olds over the radio. This song will bop right into the depths of your subconscious.
2."Cuz I'm livin' like rock star, I ain't afraid to die young"
Isn't there a hotel room somewhere you should be busy trashing?
3. "Youz a stupid hoe, youz a youz a stupid hoe"
Oh, Nikki. This song reads like the angry Facebook message of a 16-year-old diva wearing too much lip gloss. And sure, you'll know its reductive and borderline misogynistic, but that won't stop it from cussing in your brain the whole work week. Hey, you gotta give it points for honesty...
4. "Oh i swear to ya, I'll be there for ya, this is not a drive by."
For the ever chivalrous gentlemen of Train, I have just one question. If it's not a drive-by, what is it? A pit stop? One of those parallel parking job that just barely fits and you're plain stuck there till the guy in front of you leaves? You can't break out the car analogies and only half-rev the engine (see what we did there...). [Ed. Note: And let it be known that in 2012 a popular mainstream song used the term "drive-by" to describe casual sex, and it was not a rapper.]
5. "Here's my number, so call me maybe"
Cliches happen for a reason, people -- cause they're freakin' true. You don't have to be a music critic to know that no list of catchy-awful 2012 songs would be complete without this infamous take on modern, empowered chicks with game. This song is proof positive that human beings are more alike then we often think. That's cause no matter how cultivated or cerebral your taste may be, this song literally will circle through your head like a washing machine on amphetamines. Comfort yourself with the knowing that this tune has probably spurred thousands of 14 year old girls to make the first move when they see a cutie at the movies.
So there you have it, 5 wily tracks lurking in the shadows, waiting to catch you by surprise you on the radio, at the mall and even in your own home. How to recover once you fall victim to pop culture's depravity? We'd recommend straight vodka and listening to white noise.