FRIDAY, MAY 20, 2016|
Posted by: Lea Weatherby
Ninja, one of the weirdest weirdos the world has ever known, had a studio session with Kanye West that was so bizarre, he blocked his number and will presumably, never work with him again.
In a 4 minute video - which appears to have taken place in a mirrored, chalkboard-walled water closet covered in robot babies and inscriptions I can't decipher - weirdest weirdo, Ninja, frantically tells Yolandi Visser about his deeply troubling experience at Kanye's home studio. Here's what Die Antwoord has taught us about Kanye West:
1. Not Everyone Knows Who The Hell Kanye Is
Yolandi Visser who questioned Ninja with, "West?" is so fucking Zef that she needed Ninja to jog her memory when he referred to him by his first name.
2. Kanye's Neighborhood And Entourage Are White As The Driven Snow
"His whole staff is white, no Mexicans." Yeah, okay, who gives a shit?
3. Kanye Is Weird As Hell, But Also Maybe "Kind Of Retarded"
As some old, dead, possibly made up wise dude in the Bible once said, "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?"
4. Kanye Loves Anal Sex
Ninja says, "Kanye just turns away and switches on a bum.. like an ass sex video... like an anal sex video." To which Yolandi responds with the only question that matters, "like, of him?"
And so what if he does enjoy "bum sex"? It's no secret that Kanye would put a traffic cone up his ass if he could muster the dilation, hell, maybe he already has, but who gives a damn? You do, you, Kanye, in any or all of your preferred orifices.
Having said that, what we actually learned here is that even after deflecting ex-girlfriend Amber Rose's accusations about his proclivity for butt pleasures, ad nauseam, Kanye is still Kanye enough to throw on some porn in front of that squealing gossipmonger, Ninja. I mean, Jesus dude, save the hardcore anal porn viewings for pillow time with Kim's ample behind.
5. Kanye Enjoys Kim Kardashian's Banana Pudding
6. Kim Kardashian Is A Varsity Level Pastry Chef
My word! What an unexpected treat!
7. Kanye Can't Be Bothered With Traditional Dining Conventions
If Kanye wants to eat fried chicken after a delicious serving of Kim's banana pudding, then so fucking be it. If you haven't already realized, Kanye has, and will continue to do, whatever the hell he pleases.
7. Kanye Keeps A Tidy Home
So much so that Ninja felt compelled to wash the dishes that the West's were gracious enough to offer to their duplicitous, feral house guest.
8. Kanye West Is Random AF
Yeah, no shit.