Billboard Music Awards: Baeble's Winners and Losers
  • MONDAY, MAY 20, 2013

  • Posted by: Matt Howard

Last night, I watched the Billboard Music Awards with great resistance as I was a houseguest without rightful access to the remote control. There were so many worthy primetime Sunday night options that I would have preferred to watch, but I was in a house that had been infected with a particular fever that I'll address later. To my surprise, however, I was moderately entertained by the event's fanfare and overall absurdity. This musical event's ridiculousness seemed to hit a positive nerve as something we've all been lacking since the glory days of MTV's Video Music Awards came to a close a few years back when they realized they were no longer in the music biz anymore, and it's a bit difficult to award a bunch of pregnant teens any more than they already have.

Please don't misinterpret my "hit a positive nerve" by thinking I was enamored by the glitz and glammy dances and performances. I'm more of a fan of metaphorical train wrecks. I'm one of the assholes that decelerates on the freeway to get a solid look at the extent of a car accident because I'm cynical and selfish and it makes me feel much better about the meaningless crap I'm stressing about. Hence, I get a bit of a contact high from famous people's blunders. And last night during the Billboard Music Awards, blunders were plentiful.

Before I map out the mishaps, I just want to acknowledge the underlying absurdity of this show altogether. Any jackass can look at the charts and determine who won according to their performance. But I guess that's why they add asinine categories like "Touring Award", which this year went to a lingerie-clad Madonna, who has quickly catapulted into Cher-like horror.

Finally, here are our Winners and Losers from last night's Billboard Music Awards.

WINNER: Kid Rock
Why: He was loaded and reminded me of my awful best man speech at my brother's wedding. I didn't mean to say you were making a mistake! I'm sorry!



WINNER: KE$HA
Why: Tracy Morgan called you Key-sha making you for once only a part of a funny joke, and not the literal joke.


(via)


LOSER: Justin Bieber
Why: He claimed in his acceptance speech to be a true artist and not a gimmick. This happened shortly after he exited a mini spaceship filled with smoke. I also suspect he's overcompensating a bit with all that crotch space.



WINNER: Jennifer Lopez
Why: Her boots fell off, but somehow her lady parts remained within her leotard, making us the losers in this particular case.


JLO213519215538 by YardieGoals


LOSER: Miguel and Spectators
Why: His Hulk Hogan Leg Drop clearly wasn't rehearsed.



WINNER: Prince
Why: Because he's Prince, that's why.



WINNER: Taylor Swift
Why: Meh, I kinda have a crush on her and she made this face at Justin Bieber.

Comments

Hot Baeble Videos
Beth Hart live at Baeble HQ

Beth Hart live at Baeble HQ

Disclosure live at Hype Hotel

Disclosure live at Hype Hotel

Bloc Party live at The Baeble Bounce House

Bloc Party live at The Baeble Bounce House

CHVRCHES live at Summer Stage

CHVRCHES live at Summer Stage

The Heavy live at The Baeble Bounce House

The Heavy live at The Baeble Bounce House

Kat Graham live at Baeble HQ

Kat Graham live at Baeble HQ

Marian Hill live at Baeble HQ

Marian Hill live at Baeble HQ

ROZES live at Baeble HQ

ROZES live at Baeble HQ

Mario live at The Bell House

Mario live at The Bell House

Aurora live at Baeble HQ

Aurora live at Baeble HQ

© 2017 Baeble Media. All rights reserved.