I can't believe I'm still doing this. Just wanted to make sure we're all on the same page. In "Revelations." The one about the four horsemen. This is my apocalypse. Smash is the Bane to my Batman. The Melissandre to my Renly. This recap is dark and full of terrors.
This week we open with the gang all packing their bags to head to Boston for the show's tech run, and Tom and Sam sing "Another Op'nin, Another Show," a song I performed in the ninth grade, so I guess it appeals to the theater dork in all of us? Or the child? I did take issue with how enthusiastic the traveling was, like, woo-hoo! Getting on a shitty Amtrak to ride coach for four hours! Let's all dance down the platform! What New Yorker is excited to go to Boston? It's like Frodo doing the charleston knowing his "Hobbits on Ice" is opening at the Mordorplex.
Karen gets a call from Dev, who was thinking of her. Turns out she's been working hard and partying harder and has a roommate so Dev visiting would be more of an annoyance than a treat. Sounds like Karen went to college and her high school boyfriend Dev is getting left in the dust. Ted (who is Ted?) quits Bombshell because he got a pilot on TV, which everyone knows is above 'Broadway musical' in the hierarchy of paid acting gigs. The only things below musical theater are "magic" and "mime." DUH. Lemme upgrade you, guy we don't know.
Rebecca voices her nervousness to her new best boo Karen, who gives her some important life lessons about always being nervous. Doesn't help that no one tells her Ted quit (seriously, who is Ted, do we even know his last name?), so she flips out on Derek and he comforts her with his words, and as we can infer from previews and the incredibly predictable writing, later, his dick. Later (but before aforementioned later, so now?), Derek and Rebecca have a jaw session on Marilyn's insecurities and how Rebecca should use her own insecurities as fuel for her acting. I believe in the biz they call this "method." Ivy spies on their chat and worries (correctly) that Derek will attempt to direct Rebecca with his own man-method, and has Ellis, the Varys of Smash Landing, keep an eye on them in exchange for the loyalty of her bannermen, or something.
Julia and Frank seem to be back on track, but with the departure of that guy we barely knew, Michael Swift is getting the call to come back to Bombshell and their family's Teaquillibrium is once again threatened, Boston Tea Party style. Shit's going to be thrown OVERBOARD (by bunch of idiots in costumes). Julia does not take the news well, but at least she is super upfront about it to Frank. He takes the news with a twist of lemon (in his eye). Cue sad piano music. This is where I usually take my first barf, but I restrained this week.
Dev is using his sick days to chill at home and lament about his high school girlfriend living it up at school and his new college buddy hot/improbable New York Times reporter [insert name here] shows up with bourbon and sympathy, two of my favorite things, and two things Iowa has yet to supply on the back-stretch of the season. So yeah, they make out a bit, but Dev's morality gets the better of him. Good man. Wish I cared more. Actually, screw it, I wish he went to town on those press credentials, like did some serious investigative journalism on the vagina crisis in the sofa-den.
Rebecca pulls an impomtu in-costume rendition of "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" for Derek and it's looking more and more like she's going to Spamelot his Bye Bye Birdie. Barf.
Sam is from Boston. Sam, the fan of New York sports teams like the Mets and the Knicks, IS FROM BOSTON. This is the ultimate in ignorance of all things sports. No one from the Boston metro area would ever claim possession of a New York sports team, much less one that sucks. I'm erasing Sam from my memory as soon as this is over, like Eternal Sunshine style.
Ensemble guy can't act, which is surprising, because up until now, he's been acting like a total bitch. I guess it was authentic.
I guess I need to talk about Sam because he brings Tom home to his family for A HILARIOUS DINNER. Tom knows how to bond with the straight dads who expected their kids to be doctors and lawyers. Sam compares his love of dancing to religion, and that somehow is attractive to Tom even though he hates religion? "Uh oh, two dudes kissing!" - Sam's dad. OK he gets to live when we blow up Smash island with nukes. Is anyone else constantly trying to turn the show into an action-adventure to make it more interesting?
Derek goes to work making Rebecca feel like Marilyn by seducing her, ten points to Gryffindor for that prediction. Ellis the meddle-bot, disguised as an armchair somewhere, has his scandal senses tingling and tells Ivy that Rebecca and Derek are most likely "having human intercourses" and she runs to barge in but let's Rebecca's lame-ass assistant stop her? WEAK.
Dev is feeling guilty about that kiss so he proposes in Karen. Totally normal reaction to questioning the validity of your relationship. Karen says no because "she's in tech." Whoops. Amateur proposal mistake, never propose when your girlfriend is in tech! Of course! Dev skipped that day in proposal 101. Also dating a singing actress is setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment and musical interludes. Speaking of which--
Ensemble guy invites Karen to the "ensemble" cast party (aka getting drunk in their hotel room) and he turns off this excellent song by Electric Guest called "This Head I Hold" (which caught me totally off guard and was kind of awesome for half a second) to have a "sing-off" to channel Ivy and Karen's duel worry of losing their men. Eff. That. Instead of even talking about it, let's just listen to this YouTube video of "This Head I Hold."
There we go. Much better.
Frank and Leo tell Julia she should go to Boston, because it's her life and they aren't going to let her quit her life. What is this? Is this what a normal family with support for each other and forgiveness looks like? They're all going together? BOSTON TEA PARTY. WE'RE GOING OVERBOARD.
Dev goes to the bar to drown his sorrows, and runs into Ivy and hits on her. They introduce themselves with a knowing wink and a nod that they can totally bang their way into revenge town. I laughed out loud. The end.
Next week: it's over for real, right? RIGHT? Someone help me.