WEDNESDAY, APRIL 30, 2014|
Posted by: Devin Granados
Sorry Simon Cowell, but we're pressing the X on you, this new reality TV show might be the last straw. We're just being blunt here, maybe reality TV just isn't for you anymore. Rumors have been circulating for years that Cowell was in the works of producing a new DJ reality competition, and they were recently confirmed when Cowell's Syco Entertainment announced its partnership with T Mobile and SFX Entertainment to unleash Ultimate DJ on the world. Apparently as an avid fan of electronic, Cowell has always harbored a special place in his heart for DJs, and now plans to exploit aspiring knob turners as he did pop music. The discovery process will require at-home "artists" to submit their "art" which will be voted on via social media, and winners will compete at live events. We've been incredibly inspired by such a brilliant, new concept for musical reality television, so we came up with a few additional suggestions for Cowell's next venture.
1. America's Got Tibetan Throat Singers
We're a cultural melting pot, we should be showcasing our bizarre musical talent to the best of our ability. A show based entirely on Tibetan monks gurgling out noises could be a much needed religious experience for the American viewing audience.
2. So You Think You Can Twerk?
This is a completely valid question we should probably be asking a lot of white teenage girls. Twerking has become more of a music video staple than good old Mary Jane, and turning a street corner now presents you with twerking as commonly as it does with lingering skunk. Imagine Diplo, Vybz Kartel (via Skype from prison, of course), and Miley Cyrus hard at twerk judging the most ratchet reality TV since Jersey Shore. Here's a little preview of the possible mayhem.
3. Dancing With Juggalos
Parents gather round, we have a new weekly display of terrible dancing direct from the deepest caverns of white trash. Pairing professional ballroom dancers with Insane Clown Posse's finest fans...you can't wait. This could be a new Gangs of Dance since apparently "it's not a Juggalo party unless someone gets shot." Yikes. Check out the next line dance to take over middle schools everywhere...truly a moving display of American culture.
4. Survivor: Electric Daisy Carnival
If you haven't heard, electronic festivals seem to be boasting higher mortality rates than a swim through shark infested waters. Clearly this is a sign that Survivor needs to adapt its tactics and feature a season in the terrifying terrain that is Electric Daisy Carnival. The most irresponsible hardcore partiers will compete to become the ultimate survivor. Contestants will be faced with such obstacles as saying no to drugs, STD carrying candy kids, and seizure-inducing visuals. "Sorry bro, Molly has voted you off the island." This girl wouldn't last a day.
5. The Biggest Loser: Rappers
The acid rappers are taking over, and the lanky hipster look is taking over the rap scene. Our oversized rap idols, despite their towering mountainous figures are being overlooked for their skinnier counterparts. The Biggest Loser has taken it upon themselves to help these struggling stars to shed their pounds. The pilot episode will feature heavyweight champions of rap Sir Mix-a-Lot, Fat Boys, Rick Ross, and a holographic image of Biggie Smalls (finally living up to the latter half of his nick-name).