Hey Sean Parker, Can We Get Your WiFi Password
    • FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 21, 2014

    • Posted by: Matt Howard

    Our office has been obnoxiously loud all damned day. Not even the USA vs. Canada Olympic hockey game could subdue the overwhelming surges of cut concrete that shook our windows relentlessly for hours. And to make matters even worse, everywhere we sought eye-occupying solace on the interwebs we were presented with another screaming reminder that the raucous street surgery occurring downstairs was not a city-funded effort to fix our lovely block, but our own next-door neighbor, internet tycoon Sean Parker's pet project to install Verizon FiOS in his luxurious Greenwich Village party digs.

    We understand that it's a slow news day on the NYC front, but did all of these news sites really have to send out reporters and photographers to capture this nonsense? Aren't there stories more worthy of your resources out there? You know Kiev is like, burning to the ground, right? As I'm writing this, the Department of Sanitation and an entire video crew just rolled up (network news is always late to the game) and the Post and Daily News are currently camped out on our stoop.

    Just as a brief recap, after the story was first reported by Gawker — we swear we have no idea who the anonymous neighbor is. LOL — it was discussed on:

    The New York Post - "Sean Parker turns street into snowbank to get FiOS"
    New York Daily News - "Facebook billionaire Sean Parker may have dumped his snow onto Greenwich Village public street"
    The Daily -Effin Mail - "It wasn't me! Facebook billionaire Sean Parker DENIES having snow pushed from his driveway"

    And we're sure you'll be seeing over enthusiastic, personality vacant news anchors sensationalize this malarkey tonight.

    But all issues aside...Parker's got a pretty valid point. Time Warner is the worst. So, uh, hey Sean, think we could get your WiFi password?
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