Down and Dirty: The Woman's Perspective on Valentine's Night
  • THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2013

  • Posted by: Dorit Finkel

Last week, we did a list of the best songs with the food-as-sex metaphor, and this week, we take inspiration from Kelis' "Milkshake" to bring you a list of downright nasty tracks sung by chicks. Some are directed at men specifically, some are more general, but they all have one thing in common: it's about the ladies' pleasure. Just in time for V-Day!

Liz Phair - "Flower"



A classic high school song (for most of us) about plain ol' girly lust. Directed at a guy whose lips are "a perfect 'suck me' size," Phair sings, "I want to fuck you like a dog/I'll take you home and make you like it/Everything you ever wanted/Everything you ever thought of/Is everything I'll do to you/I'll fuck you 'til your dick is blue." Yeah...we've all been there.

Divinyls - "I Touch Myself"



My personal favorite karaoke song, it's dirtier than "Like A Virgin," but won't get you kicked out of a bar. The verses seem innocent enough, and then there's the chorus...

Consolidated - "You Suck"



Partially about safe sex and STDs, but mostly just about convincing a dude to go downtown, this song is obnoxious but awesome. "You're wasting your tongue on lame excuses and lies/Get your face between my thighs." Right on, sisters.

Lovage - "Stroker Ace"



Like a filthier version of a Portishead song, this tune is about a very seductive cat. "I love to lap a spot of cream/And I assure you that I'm neat/But you never know what to expect/When the pussy is in heat."

Missy Elliot - "Work It"



Pretty sure I was in seventh grade when this song played on the radio all the time, and I felt like I learned something new every time. "Not on the bed, lay me on the sofa/Call before you come, I need to shave my cho-cha/You do what you doin' or you will or won't ya/Go downtown and eat it like a vulture." So I have to thank Missy Elliott for most of my sex education, and teaching me what a "gadunk-a-dunk-dunk" is.

Idina Menzel - "All Of The Above"



Idina Menzel, best known for playing the lead in Wicked on Broadway, has had a few side projects, including her pop career. Never really went anywhere, but at least we got the white version of "What's Your Fantasy?"

Lil' Kim - "How Many Licks"



Lil' Kim has fun giving a guided masturbation session to dudes in jail. And she's on your grocery list, next to the whipped cream.

Basement Jaxx - "Get Me Off"



Trippy and creepy, this old-school club song is still kind of great. They don't want to be coy.

Have a happy (and healthy) Valentine's Night!

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