MONDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2014|
Posted by: Rebecca Chodorkoff
Some people say, "Stick to what you know" while others urge, "Try new things!" It's understandable at times musical artists just don't know what to do, and they end up stepping out of their comfort zones and insuring the uncomfortableness of not only themselves, but everybody around them in the process.
This is what happens when singers rap.
Blondie,"Rapture": Okay, I love Blondie, and I actually absolutely love this song, but I think we can all agree that rapping simply isnt Debbie Harry's strong suit. She rhymes; "And you don't stop, sure shot/Go out to the parking lot/And you get in your car/and you drive real far/And you drive all night and then you see a light/And it comes right down and lands on the ground/And out comes a man from Mars/And you try to run but he's got a gun/And he shoots you dead and he eats your head/And then you're in the man from Mars/You go out at night, eatin' cars"
Madonna, "American Life": Madonna has never been one to give people what they expect from her. Maybe this time, she should have..."I'm drinking a Soy latte/I get a double shot/It goes right through my body/And you know I'm satisfied/I drive my Mini Cooper/And I'm feeling super-dooper/Yo they tell I'm a trooper/And you know I'm satisfied" Sorry, Madonna, we're not satisfied with this one.
Aaron Carter, "That's How I Beat Shaq": Great song. Great video. Seriously, no complaints or snarky comments on this one. Aaron's best line? "I must admit that it sounds real crazy/ but the ball went in/Then he cried like a baby/Sorry Shaq, I should've let you win/You're good too, and we can still be friends"
Miley Cyrus, "Feelin' Myself" with Will.I.Am: Miley has actually tried her hand at rapping quite a bit. But this one is somehow special. Her verse Up in the club, is where youll find me/I do it real big, never do it tiny/ I step in this motherfucker just to make it work/I get on the floor just to make that booty twerk sticks out like a sore thumb among the established rappers who she shares the track with: Wiz Khalifa, French Montana, and Will.i.am.
Jason Aldean "Dirt Road Anthem": Country crooner Jason Aldean gave a shot at melding the two once again in this country gem explaining how he does it where he's from in a lackluster spoken verse with not just a little country twang;"And we like cornbread and biscuits/And if it's broke 'round here we fix it/I can take y'all where you need to go/Down to my hood, back in them woods/We do it different 'round here that's right/But we sure do it good and we do it all night"
Buck 22 and Billy Ray Cyrus "Achy Breaky 2"Like Father like daugher. Okay, so Billy Ray Cyrus isn't exactly rapping on this one, so much as riding the coat-tails of both his daughter's career, and his own past momentary success by sampling his old one-hit-wonder "Achy Breaky Heart." The utter irrelevance of every aspect of this song is nearly incomprehensible. In fact, it just might be the worst song ever. Furthermore, it is accompanied by a music video the strangeness of which is difficult to even put into words. It features Cyrus and Buck 22 travelling through space and time, and somehow ending up in an intergalactic strip club vessel? Another example of the calamity that is country and rap music attempting a collaboration.
R.Kelly "I'm A Beast": Known for his silky smooth vocals and horrific personal behavior (R. Kelly has been accused and acquitted of both rape and child pornography charges several times), it seems that R. Kelly felt he was qualified to try his hand at rapping, throwing shade at NeYo (who he apparently has a rivalry with?) "You need a steerin' wheel the way you ridin' my dick boy/say you go getta go get your own shit boy/what it's gon' take for you mothafuckas to understand ima R&B boss/'kells think he a rapper' naw bitch im just tryna get my point across" well, Kelly, you failed. It's a horrible song and from what I can tell, you're a pretty horrible person.
Taylor Swift "CMT Thug Story": Perhaps the worst offender of all is Taylor Swift who tried her hand at rapping in 2009 with T-Pain for a CMT comedy promo video, but she didn't stop there. Two years later she rapped a verse from Nicki Minajs Super Bass while visiting a Nashville radio station. Then in her recent release "Shake it Off" she does it again. My ex-man bought his new girlfriend/Shes like 'Oh my God, but Im just gonna shake it/And to the fella over there with the hella good hair/Wont you come on over, baby, we can shake, shake, shake. Oh Taylor...please stop.