Britney Spears Is Here With A Sexy and Very Confusing Music Video
  • FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2016

  • Posted by: Ben Feit



It's Britney, bitch! I honestly wasn't even aware Britney Spears was still making music, but apparently her ninth (!) studio album Glory came out in August. Anyways, putting aside my ignorance, I will never miss a chance to say 'It's Britney, bitch' (that's two already). That chance came today with Britney's new video for "Slumber Party (ft. Tinashe)." The video's complete with classic choreographed dance sequences, an ambiguously hot man, and a very small amount of clothes. Britney's definitely still got it, but really, if anyone knows what 'it' is please tell me.

The "Slumber Party" video is in the same vein as the classic golden-age Britney videos. I remember seeing the "Toxic" video way before I was old enough to know what the hell was going on. And now, I'm not old but I think I may have moved beyond the sex appeal of a Britney video. I mean, call me crazy, but this just doesn't do it for me:

via GIPHY



Yes, Britney looks amazing considering how long she's been doing this. Yes, I am very supportive of her promise that "we ain't gonna sleep tonight." I am all for you and ambiguously-hot-dude having a wild night, Britney, but please make sure you clean up that milk responsibly before you take him to the bedroom. It will spoil, and it will smell in the morning. You're not a schoolgirl anymore - "Oops, I did it again" just isn't going to cut it.

The bottom line is we've had over a decade of this from Britney. There's nothing I want more than to bust out a triumphant "It's Britney, bitch!" literally every time she does anything. But I'm going to need her to do something new and exciting to really justify it. She's a mother now, she's supposed to be supervising slumber parties. The sexy pop icon legacy is solidified, now let's see something different. I don't need to feel like I'm back in 2004 wondering why the hell I keep watching the "Toxic" video when I thought I didn't like Britney Spears.

Check out the video above and then listen to "Gimme More," the most iconic Britney song ever, below.

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