Willow Smith, the daughter of actor/rapper/professional shower scene doer Will Smith and the star of the smash b-level series Hawthorne Jada Pinkett Smith and the sister of more modern Karate Kid and Happyness pursuer Jaden Smith, has released a video for her first single "I Whip My Hair". It is my nightmare.
Since Vevo is intent on "all your views belong to us", I jacked an embed from Videogum's Teen Korner. Observe.
I can't even "haha WHAT?" this because my face is paralyzed from chewing on my wrists. How did this happen, America? Is a million dollars and a lip-jewel really the only thing standing between me and being pushed as the next Lady Ke$ha? Is "Music" something people just do between boarding school in Switzerland and visiting their personal pony farm? I NEED AN ADULT. WILLOW SMITH NEEDS AN ADULT.
I think it's more depressing that this 'machine' exists, like you can pay a bunch of people to make your kid into a star as long as you are a star and have bags of cash in your living room. Somewhere in a bunker is a team of songwriters who wrote the music, people who conceptualized the 'image' of Willow and the song's translation into a goofy, literal video, not to mention the fact that they actually plan to sell this to real people, and real people plan to buy it, if they already haven't started whipping their hair at figures of authority or people in white clothes AM I TOUCHING SOMETHING? I f*cking hate this.
"Willow, is it true that 'Whip My Hair' is a metaphor for female empowerment, in an age where woman still feel oppressed by men in certain hostile areas of the world?"
If you need me I'll be hurling myself into the East River. -joe puglisi