ny post guesses (poorly) who is
  • TUESDAY, JANUARY 05, 2010

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From the world of Newspapers: Today the city rag published a list of five artists they think will blow up in 2010, and like most of their hard news and entertainment, its a pile of steaming sh*t nonsense. The only thing ready to pop is the NY Post's credibility. Let's have some fun debunking their mad theories.

First off, no offense to Dan Aquilante, who I am sure is as respected as his New York Post bio suggests, but this is the guy who said Beyonce's "Halo" was a forgettable, schlock track ("Halo" is Knowles longest running top forty hot 100 single, according to Billboard). And some of his "choices" call into question what his definition of pop music is exactly; fast food or straight-up indigestible garbage? We all have our differences when it comes to pop music versus critical credibility, but to be honest, these acts have neither.

The Cribs certainly might belong on this list if they had made any strides in the past seven years but they haven't, and their latest record has once again failed to make a dent in the American music superstructure (barely 60,000 plays a song on Myspace, charting in the UK but not in America, etc). Being popular in England is not a precursor for breakout success, especially when your songs don't have enough of a pop edge (Kings Of Leon did it, but their music is different). They certainly do make some pretty decent brit-rock, but the genre has been dead on American radio for quite some time. The future rock heroes of America will most likely be the one's we already know (The Strokes, The Killers). These guys grew their cult following in the UK and have almost nothing to stand on here in the States. I will admit that this one is a coin-toss based on luck and circumstance, but its still a pretty poor guess.

And that is it for the acceptable names! The rest is complete and utter stupidity. Professional special ed candidate Ke$ha may have a hit with "Tik Tok," which is doing well on the radio. But that doesn't mean it isn't a collection of unintelligible ramblings in a spoken-song word poem that sounds like it was written by your little sister while she was cutting class and smoking crack. Don't pretend to hate The Black Eyed Peas and love Ke$ha; that is way hypocritical. Like talking off your PETA shirt and hiding it while you eat a big steak dinner with a side of animal cruelty. Actually this analogy works great because Ke$ha kind of reminds me of torturing squirrels set to music.

And the other three? The rest of the list is all over the place and makes no sense thematically.

Um, The Webb Sisters don't have much of a chance of being indie darlings OR radio sensations this year. Scratch indie entirely; their folk is too square to be Fleet Foxes. And the last time Leonard Cohen accurately curated a future pop star was Judy Collins, probably (I actually have no idea). Give up. This is adult contemporary Starbucks music at best, at least for now. Katherine Welsh is a classical singer mostly, which means her streaming links are covers of songs only classical music aficionados will appreciate. Do not get me wrong, she has a beautiful voice and (upon the first few listens) appears to be a great recording talent. But putting her talent in a list with a 22-year-old girl who spells her PKA with a dollar sign seems sort of cruel. Harper Blynn has Pete Harper (kind of famous), but honestly, they will be probably be a free download on Paste Magazine and nothing else (FULL DISCLOSURE: I said this before venturing to their Myspace and seeing that in fact they were already a Paste Magazine free download! I am brain, or something).

I kind of like The Main Drag, but thats not enough to save this list. One overcooked burger, extra lamesauce please, hold the common sense.

Better luck next time, Post!-joe puglisi

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