10 Steps To Being A Bad Bitch
  • FRIDAY, JANUARY 02, 2015

  • Posted by: Aimee Curran

Music has seen a boom of "tough" white girls who have gone against the grain, been bad "role models," capitalized on their physical assets, and have rapped or sung about rebellion and hard times.

Talent like Iggy Azalea, Miley Cyrus, Kreayshawn, and Lil' Debbie have gone to great lengths to craft their image, sound, and stage game. If you want to be the next white girl who people ask, "Who dat?" take note of these essential brand building must-haves to step in and share the spotlight.

1. Show off your ass as much as possible
Whether you're twerking your flat ass on-stage, wearing booty hugging spandex pants, or dancing next to J.Lo in a video called "Booty," you MUST show off and use your ass as much as possible.









2. Rock the oily skin look
Blotting wipes are your enemy. No white girl who really wants to get in the game keeps their skin matte. Maybe the oily look is personal preference, laziness, or something for gutter slumming street cred, but keep it greasy for longevity.

Check out what Lil' Debbie has to say about da "natural glow."



3. Keep your mane slick
Fuck soft waves, festival style braids, or whimsical little pixie cuts. Slicked back hair is the only acceptable way to wear your hair, the greasier the better. Oily skin deserves to be complimented by equally oily hair. Duh.









4. Wear Gold
Silver doesn't cut it. Gold says, MONEY, CLASS, STYLE. Bonus points if you get gold grillz.









5. Have a sex scandal for the tabloids to obsess over
Regardless if you have a sex tape, a rumor is enough to make you legit. Or if a sex tape isn't your thing, date someone the bible belt won't approve of.



6. Have an enemy in the industry
Make sure someone doing the same thing as you is your enemy. No one can say they really "made it" until they are publicly dissed by an insecure, jealous peer.

Lil' Debbie hates Miley Cyrus: "That bitch ruins everything for me, fucking everything."

Lil' Debbie hates Iggy Azalea: "Iggy's poppin' now, but I mean, you know my thoughts on Iggy. Beautiful girl. Looks great. Stunning. Her voice irritates the fuck out of me."

Kreayshawn hates Lil' Debbie: "You wanna act like a victim but the real reason why you got x'd is cuz you lied to me and used me for months." (Kreayshawn's tweet to Lil' Debbie after she kicked her out of White Girl Mob)

Miley Cyrus hates everyone who hates her: "They're just jealous of me."

7. Have your music be about rebellion and hard times
It's ok if you grew up in a privileged household and don't actually know what it's like to survive on food stamps or make money mopping floors. Channel yourself back to the days when you hated your mom for insisting you do chores before watching Lizzie McGuire and write a song like, "We Can't Stop." All the ass shaking, glow of your oily skin, and twitter fights will distract your fans from the truth of your not-so-bad upbringing.



8. Tattoos, Tattoos, Tattoos!
Nothing says "rebel" like permanently inking yourself with quotes, career making milestones, and portraits of beloved family members. If you can't afford one, a stick n' poke will be good enough until you have money to get it professionally covered up.









9. DGAF about eating junk food in public
You should freely eat junk food like a BOSS in public. The worse it is for you, the better.









10. Dumb down your vocabulary and use slang terms 'erryday'
Making yourself sound kind-of uneducated is awesome for your image. It can serve as a sort-of smoke and mirrors to the whole "grew up in a good home" thing. Use symbols in place of letters, hashtag, and ALWAYS refer to yourself as: Classy, Expensive, and Deluxe.

Key terms to get you started: Who dat?, Ratchet, Bae, Erryday, Dafuq, Homey, Bad Bitch, Basic Bitch, Turnt Up, Sketch, Pu$$y, Ain't, Tho, Psh (this is best used with a hand to the face of whoever is trying to get a minute of your time for free).

Get it gUrl.
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