Baeble's New Year's Resolutions
  • THURSDAY, JANUARY 02, 2014

  • Posted by: Matt Howard

After living multiple months without them, I bought a pack of cigarettes on my way to a New Year's Eve party on Wednesday night. My lousy excuse? I wanted something to give up at midnight. To put it simply: New Year's resolutions are annual empty gestures and get out of jail free cards. So in this tradition of admitting our own faults and making promises we surely won't keep, here are Baeble's own.

1. Mock More Males

It's been brought to our attention that our most critical write-ups are those involving female pop stars. With all of the attention surrounding Miley Cyrus' tongue-slobbering evolution, Lady Gaga's bare-ass art, and Britney Spears' pitiful comeback attempt, we were handed wounded targets on a silver platter in 2013. However, we promise we will take aim at more men in 2014. Even if it comes at the cost of mocking our own rock idols, we'll be keeping a critical eye focused on music's male buffoonery.

2. Continue Filming Beautiful People

Capturing nearly 80 concerts and 40 sessions kept us pretty busy in 2013. With the multiple artists' musical talent and our own production quality set aside, our libraries were filled with some pretty serious talent, if you know what I mean. Our collection grew with lovely ladies like Sara Bareilles and CHVRCHES' Lauren Mayberry in addition to hunks like Foals and Andrew Belle. We must admit when scheduling these shoots, artists' looks are never a factor, but damn did we do good this year. Although 2013 was a landmark year for lookers and smokeshows on Baeble, we promise 2014 will be even more beautiful.

3. Pay More Attention to User-Submitted Videos

Less than five percent of the music videos you submit to our site are of high enough quality to make our page. No, we're not snobs —it's just that an iPhone, an empty parking lot, and your best bro's terrible hip-hop track is not the ideal formula for musical fame. And listen dumb dumbs: we don't cover country music. If you're in a bikini, draped in an American flag, rolling around heavy artillery we will not be adding your video. Generally within 10 seconds we can tell if your creation will make the site. In 2014, however, we promise to spend an extra few on these terrible submissions, because we simply need to make fun of more dudes (refer to Resolution No. 1 for more info).

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