An Interview with Marissa Nadler - 8/17/2007 |
Masachusetts-based Marissa Nadler may not write the punk and hardcore songs that revitalized the DIY movement in the 80s, but the singer-songwriter has gone a similar route. For her first two albums, Ballads of Living and Dying and The Saga of Mayflower May, Nadler sent personalized copies to countless magazines and websites. Today, her
intimate, delicate songs, anchored by her haunted, otherworldly voice that belies the 26-year olds age, are helping her reach a greater audience and preventing her from licking all her own stamps. Just dont take a picture of her while shes performing.
Your brother is a writer and your mothers a painter. Do you think theres a genetic link to creativity?
I believe so. After school, I got a masters degree in art education and became an art teacher in Harlem for a year. There were 5-year old kids that were so superior in skill with drawing and painting. As much as other kids wanted to be good, they never could really equal or surpass those kids with natural talents. I do believe that anybody can get pretty good at something with enough practice, but there are certain gifts that are bestowed upon people.
You did fine arts before music, right?
Yeah. Early on, I had more of a talent for fine art. I didnt get good at music for a long time just cause I was too shy to sing. I never really thought that I would do anything else than have some kind of life in the arts.
How did you overcome your shyness?
I was just shy all-around. I was one of those people with really severe social anxiety. I think its funny that I chose a career where I actually have to talk to people. To this day, if I have to order coffee, my heart beats really fast and Ill order the easiest thing to say just because Im so painfully shy. It took me years and years to have confidence to get enough practice to finally find my voice. I started out thinking I wanted to sound like Courtney Love. I think thats a common thread among angst-ridden teenagers.
Do you still get nervous when youre on stage?
I sure do, but its gotten better. Its certainly nowhere near as bad as it used to be. I wouldnt be able to eat or sleep for days before I performed even if there were only five people coming to the show and they were all family and friends. I couldnt detach myself and get any perspective. Now I think I have a better perspective and think of it as more of a job.
When you do interviews, do you still feel uncomfortable?
Well, its weird. I think within most artists, theres this dichotomy between wanting to be a recluse and wanting to share your self at the same time. On the phone, its much easier for me than in person. I dont like getting my picture taken. Im very protective of that. I dont like people videotaping or taking pictures [at shows].
You picked the wrong era to be alive.
[Laughs] I actually sometimes go online and if I see a picture I dont like, Ill write the person personally and tell them to take it down. I know thats not very rock star or cool of me to do. I feel like being a musician doesnt mean you want to be a model or an actress.
Especially since quiet music doesnt really lend itself to numerous cell phones in the air.
It doesnt and I feel incredibly uncomfortable about that.
Do you tell people not to film at shows?
Its hard to do without sounding like a diva. Its completely the opposite. A diva would want her face in the spotlight. I dont mind getting my picture taken if I can look at them and pick the one I like and say, OK, erase all of them. You can use this one. Im trying to just not care anymore and spend my time reading and writing instead of browsing the Internet. When you first get written up on the Internet, its definitely like, Wow, this is so cool. I never thought anybody would like my music. Then its such an unhealthy thing to do. I try really hard to stay away from everything now.
Does praise make your shyness any easier to handle?
It definitely helps but deep down, most artists are so tortured. I know Im one of those people that no matter how many nice things I hear, Ill never believe it. Of course, its nice to read that stuff, but I have a very deluded sense of self. It doesnt sink in, but the bad ones do. Those are the ones I dwell on. If I got a bad review when I was starting out, I wouldnt take my guitar out of the car for a month. Id be so devastated.
How did you first get involved with singing?
I had this book with every Bob Dylan song that I would play and sing to. I really wasnt a good singer. It didnt click immediately for me, and then all of a sudden one day it did. Now I think I finally arrived at a vocal style I feel comfortable with. I went through stages where I wanted to be an opera singer and a country singer and now Im finally myself.
When you perform, do you prefer a band or alone?
Well, I usually have one other musician with me if Im lucky. I really cant afford a band yet. Its really a logistical thing. If youre traveling with five people, you have to make a lot more than I do. My goal would be to get my music in a Tim Burton film so I can at least afford a band and realize the potential of my songs.
For your first two records, you sent the album yourself to numerous magazines. Where did this DIY ethic come from?
I just wanted people to hear it I guess. I was ambitious and I like doing projects with my hands. I enjoy making my own jewel cases and decorating envelopes and sending them to magazines I like. And I had a surprising amount of response from that. It was just a hobby of mine sending my music to people. I finally matured to the fact where I realize its okay if not everybody likes your music. Its not personal. I just thought of it as another performance art piece.
Your website has a number of your paintings. When did you first get involved with fine arts?
I always, as far back as I can remember, was drawing. I started around three or four years old and was serious about it from age 12 on. I wanted to be a fashion designer and actually had a sewing machine and made all my own clothes. Then I got more into oil painting and wanted to be a master painting. That was kinda my high school ambition.
When did music become more of a focus? Did it replace fine art or supplement it?
I think it replaced it.
What caused that?
Art school. I started playing guitar around 16 but it was just a hobby. I never thought I had a good enough voice and didnt really take it seriously. When youre in art school, everyones really good and you want to distinguish yourself. Theres a lot of competition and that took a lot of the fun out of it. I was still having fun with the music cause it was my own thing that I did in my spare time. Slowly, it just became apparent that I really liked to write songs and it replaced art for me pretty much.
Do you still paint now?
Ive been trying to get back into it. Its funny because what led me away from painting is what is happening with music now. Its like, Oh no, now its become a business and a career. I want a hobby.
Are you afraid of the business end?
Oh, its horrible. It takes up quite a good deal of my time just making sure all my dates are correct. Finally, I have a team five years into my music career. Ive been doing it myself for such a long time that now people want to help and its really hard to get over that control thing. I think the reason that I create such dreamy, soft relaxing music is its like my medicine. Thats when I truly feel relaxed, when Im singing. Its my way of soothing myself and others.
Do you put on your own album at home?
No. Absolutely not. I hate listening to myself. It makes me cringe. I dont know anybody that wants to listen to themselves. Theres always a moment where you go, Oh my God, I cant believe I said that. There isnt anything you can do. You have to have a Zen approach and dont look back or forward. You have to accept the fact that once you release art into the world, its there forever.
Songs III: Bird on the Water is out now on Kemado Records. Nadler is in the middle of hopping across the U.S. Check out her website HERE or Myspace HERE for dates. - Jason Newman
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